Tuesday, October 13, 2009

To Make You Feel My Love...

When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer a warm embrace
To make you feel my love


When evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love


I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong


I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
Oh there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love


The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing like me yet


I could make you happy, make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
To make you feel my love


- Bob Dylan (sept. 30th 1997)

I have been listening to this song over and over and over again on my Ipod. (I am listening to the version by Adele that came out in '08...gorgeous voice.)

It all started yesterday. I was on my way to work and I had my Ipod on shuffle. I kept pushing the next button because I was looking for that perfect song that would fit my current mood, something that would speak to me, ya know. Then this song came on....To Make You Feel My Love. I don't really know why this song hit me so much, but I listened to it all the way to work...and all the way home from work.

As I sang the words.....I was singing to him. I don't actually know who he is. But I was singing to him. Even though I don't know if I even know him yet, as I sang the words of this song...I meant them. I know that when it happens..and there he is...whoever he is...these words will be true. He is SO worth the wait.

sigh.

When you read the lyrics...what did you automatically think of? Someone you're with? Someone you wish you were with? Someone you don't know yet? Did you sing the lyrics to them?

Did it ever occur to you when you read them that maybe this song wasn't from you to someone else...but from God to you? Me either.

When I got in my Jeep this morning, I was fully planning on listening to a different song (I mean, come on, the same song for two days straight...crazzzzzzyyyy!)...but for some reason, I listened to it again. And again. Why!? I was totally thinking it was weird. As I am driving and listening to this song...I am thinking of all this other stuff...you know....all that crap that you can't get out of your head...like stuff you need to do at work..whether or not you should do this or that...blah, blah, blah....so....I wasn't really listening to the song....it was just the background to my mental droning. And then I looked out of my driver's side window and saw the most beautiful sunrise (yes, I am up and driving that early). I looked at the sun and all the beautiful colors and then I heard it....the song....the lyrics....I really really listened this time. God was talking TO ME!!! Katie. He was talking to ME. That's when it hit me....there truly is nothing that He wouldn't do to make me feel His love.

wow.

He knew just how many times I was going to have to hear that song until I really got it. IT'S FOR ME!!! Who listens to the same song for two days straight...and I'm talking tons of times...my commute is at least 1.5 hours each way if not longer....so that song and I has some serious quality time together. I'm crazy...but I ain't that crazy. God. will. not. stop. He won't go away just because you do. He already went hungry, went black and blue...went crawlin' down the avenue....to make you feel His love. He did that. For me. And for you. (that accidentally rhymed..lol)

Yes, you. Seriously....YOU!

I have listened to this song plenty of times before...and it didn't really mean that much to me..I was more in to Adele's beautiful voice than actually listening to the words. But God is so good and His plan so perfect that I listened to this song over and over and over again at just the exact right time for it to speak right to me about exactly what I needed to hear. Perfect.

It's hard being single sometimes. I hadn't been single since I was 13. Up until about 6 or so months ago...I always had a boyfriend or some guy in my life. Even when I knew I didn't love them...I would stay...because I couldn't stand to be alone. I was so afraid of being alone...but all I felt was alone. I spent a lot of time trying to fill this void with men that couldn't and shouldn't fill it. I am sorry to them, I am sorry to me, but most of all I am sorry to God. I feel like I don't even deserve a beautiful love song from God after all the years that I rejected Him. Why would he go to the end of the Earth for me....to make me feel His love? Why doesn't he do what all the other guys have done...disappoint me, leave me, break my heart, tear me down, use me, disrespect me, did I mention leave me.....? Why doesn't he? How could he hold me for a million years? I don't even understand or grasp that kind of love. And He knows it's hard for me. And He wants to show me...His love.

For the last two years since I broke up with my on again, off again, on again, off again, on again, off again boyfriend since I was 16....I have taken this time to seek the truth and truly find me and the Katie that God made me to be. It has been the hardest, most painful, most beautiful, most rewarding, scariest, etc...time of my life. Instead of drinking my pain away...I deal with it. I feel it. Instead of dating just anyone so I'm not alone...I decide to be single and wait for him. The guy that's not just some guy. That's going to sing those lyrics to me....and mean them. It's painful. But I'm not afraid of that anymore. I feel the pain. And I don't die and I don't stop. Contrary to my previous belief...the pain didn't kill me. It made me stronger. (Pastor Jerry said on Sunday that David would have still been a shephard if he hadn't had Goliath in his life....so I praise God for all the Goliath's in my life...because they have made me stronger..more than a shephard!)

I used to idenify myself based on what a man thought of me. If he thought I was special...then I was. If he didn't....then I tried to changed myself so that he would....but of course...that didn't work. As painful as that was to live...it was even more painful to let God in...trust Him...and let Him heal those hurts and scars. These last two years of healing has been amazing. When you haven't been able to trust people...mostly men...your whole life...how are you supposed to trust God...who you can't see? Well....while the storms were raging on the rolling sea...He went to the ends of the Earth for me....to make me feel His love. He pushed past all that crap...and showed me He was real. He could be trusted with my scarred and broken heart. And He was good. I cry even typing this because what God has done for me is more true and and more real than anything I have ever experienced in my whole life. Now...I want to go to the ends of the Earth for Him...to make Him feel my love!








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Whatcha thinkin'?