Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Key

A few years ago God gave me this amazing vision.  It all started one night two years ago when I picked up an old journal of mine and read an entry I had written describing how I felt after coming to know Jesus.  I was trying to describe how I felt and the best way I could put it was that I felt released from a prison that I had kept myself in.  I remember trying to sleep that night after reading this journal entry, but instead...God gave me this vision.  It came to me so clearly and it changed my life and my understanding of God.  Looking back on that night from where I am today...I can see how much I have changed.  I continue to let go of old thoughts and behaviors that keep me from reaching my full potential.  Now, I feel like absolutely nothing is impossible. Every time I have fear and doubt God continues to prove to me that He can do anything.  He has been so good to me that I can't even express it with words.  I know I don't deserve it and I mess up all the time, but I sure do appreciate it and am so grateful for the best friend I have in God.  I don't know why, but for some reason it's been really hard for me to blog this.  It's been saved and sitting in my posts box for days.  I usually don't have such a hard time sharing, but for some reason I have felt very apprehensive about sharing this.  I don't know if it's because I am protective of it because it was such an amazing experience for me or because I am afraid of what people will think.  But.....I want to share this vision with you. : )

The Key

    I am in a jail cell. It is a jail cell similar to the ones you would see in the old westerns; stone walls and barred windows. I am standing at the window with my arms hanging out of the bars and looking out over the town. I am watching as the townspeople go about their daily lives. Family outings. Shopping. Playing. Talking. Laughing. As I watch them, I think to myself, “Look at them, out there enjoying their lives. They get to have fun and live the dream, and I am stuck in here. It’s lucky for them that I am in here and not out there with them. I deserve to be in here.  Someone like me that keeps messing up doesn't deserve to be free.” I feel envious of these people, wishing that I had what they had, but I only allow that feeling to creep up for a second, then I quickly remind myself that they get to have the good life because they deserve it. They are good people. They do what they are supposed to, and I can’t seem to control myself. I don’t get to have that life because I deserve to be in here.

I spend some of my days at the barred windows; watching as people live their lives of freedom. Other days I walk to the other side of my cell away from the window so that I don’t have to watch everyone lead their happy, carefree lives. Sometimes I stay away from the window for so long that I almost forget that there is an outside. But inevitably, I walk right back over to the window and look out and remember that there are people out there living the life I wish I was good enough to have.

I have done this same back and forth movement for years. Finally, one day, I get completely fed up just watching the townspeople. Why CAN’T I have what they have? Why do I have to be in here and not out there? Am I not a human too? I finally say to myself, “Alright, that’s it. I am tired of this! I am tired of watching everyone live the life I want. I want what they have! I want out of here!!” As I say this, I look down at my left hand to discover that there is a key laying in it. I look up at the cell door and I see a prison guard standing there looking at me.
I walk over to him, holding out the key, and ask, “What is this?”
He glances at it, smiles, and replies, “Well, it looks like a key to me.”
Confused, I say, “I see that, but what’s it for?”
He looks at me with a look of amusement and says,“To the door of your cell of course, what else would it be for?”
I reply, “But where did it come from?”
He smiles and says, “You tell're the one that's had it in your hand this whole time.”

Huh!?  I am amazed and shocked at this. I've had it the whole time? What's he talking about?  I give the guard a puzzled look.
He sees my confusion and says to me, “All this time that you have been walking back and forth you have had that key in your hand. Heck, you've had that dag-on thing in your hand since you got here.”
I told him I still didn’t understand. What was I supposed to do with it?
He giggles and then tells me that I am supposed to open my cell door with it.
I immediately start to argue with him, “Now wait a minute, I can’t open this door and leave. That just doesn’t happen! I'm not stupid.  If it seems too easy, then it must be too good to be true.  I can already see what will happen next....I'll believe that I can be free, and then I will find out that it's not true just like everything else in my life.  No thanks.  I'd rather not put  myself through more disappointment.  Plus, if I get out there is gonna be trouble. I can't be trusted.  I'll mess up again for sure.  Not only do I hurt other people, but...I hurt myself.  I can't seem to make a good decision if you pay me.  It is best if I just stay in here, where it’s safe....where you can watch me.  Besides, if I get out, I will just end up right back here because I am just going to keep on doing the same thing I did to get put in here in the first place. It would just be easier for me to just accept I belong here and just stay.”
The guard looks at me and says, “Hey, that‘s fine with me. Whatever you want, kid . I’m just tellin’ you like it is. You can leave whenever you want, your bail has already been posted.”
My eyes shoot open wide in disbelief.
“W-w-who, who posted my bail? “ I question the guard.
As I ask this question the jailer points over his shoulder and says, “That Guy...He has a couple of different names, but I think you'll know Him best as Jesus."
I can't believe my eyes! Sitting right outside my cell is.....JESUS! He looks just like a normal guy you would see on the street.  Where's the long hair, the beard, and the robe?  Shouldn't He have a Bible or something?  He has a kind and amused smile on his face.  He gives me a look as if to say, “Hey, what are you waiting on!? Let’s get outta here!”
But it's still not enough. Even though I can see Jesus sitting there I still think there is a catch.
I look at the guard and say, “Jesus?  THE Jesus?  Really?  This can't be real.  What is He doing here?  I still just don’t understand. I know you say that Jesus posted my bail, but how am I supposed to know it’s true. AND why would He do that for me, I never do anything right, and I certainly never do anything for Him. I don’t even know Him. All I know is that I'm not interested in Him and never have been.  Doesn't that make Him mad?  See, I have my own ideas about life. I think I'll stick with those.  Listen, it’s great that Jesus posted my bail this time, but I am just gonna go out in the world and mess up again, and end up right back here. What’s the point in going out, just to come right back. I should just stay. That’s awful nice of Him and all, but it’s just not for me. I can’t.”
The guard looks at me and says “Again, Katie, you can do whatever you want.  But just to let you know, He posted your bail before you ever got in here.  He did that for you because He loves you regardless of whether you are "interested" in Him or not.  You can pretend He's not real, but that doesn't make Him any less real.  Not only did He post your bail before you ever got locked up, but He has already paid your bail for all the times in the future you ever come back. Your bail is posted so that you won’t ever have to stay in prison again. Isn’t that EXCITING?!  Personally, I think it is. I mean, I'm sorry to be so frank, but....I would think that anything would be better than what you've managed to create for yourself here.  But...I'm just a prison guard...what do I know?”

Believe it or not, I am still not convinced. Why would Jesus do that? How does He even know me? Jesus seems like such a strict guy...from what I've heard.  Where's the hellfire and brimstone!?   I really don't want to believe all this stuff just because everyone else does.  It all seems like a great story...a fairy tale...but let's get real...people just use this Jesus guy as a crutch.  They seem a little ignorant if you ask me.  

The guard realizes that I am having a hard time with all this. I wish  I could be excited, but I just don’t believe that it's all true. 

I pace back and forth, clutching the key tightly in my hand. I try to decide if I should leave the place I have known for so long. It's not a nice place, but I know it so well. I'm familiar with my routine.  I'm familiar with the coldness.  I'm familiar with watching other people live the life I think isn't for me.  

I'm afraid to look up to check and see if Jesus is still there. I am afraid to meet His gaze, but at the same time...I am even more afraid to look up and find that He is no longer there.

I decide to talk to the jailer once last time.
“Sir, so what you’re sayin’, is that I can just turn this key, and open this door and just walk out and never have to come back again? But what if I do? What if I end up back here again?”
The guard looks at me with a kind eye and says, “Yep, all you have to do is turn the key and open the door. You never ever have to come back here again, BUT if you do happen to end up here again; the Good News is…you don’t ever have to stay. Now that you know you have the key and that your bail is already posted, you will never be content in this dark cold cell again. I know it’s one of the hardest steps to take to believe that once you turn that key your whole life will change, but once you just do it, you’ll never regret it. Jesus would never just post your bail, and then leave you. He’ll always be there for you. Every day He will show you that He is real.  He will guide you as long as you let Him.  He wants you to seek Him.  He wants you to know Him.  The first step is the biggest and the scariest.  No one wants to be wrong and believe in something or Someone that isn't True and Real.'ll never know unless you try to know Him.  He knows how hard this is for you.  He loves you.  He's waiting for you."

So, after a few deep breaths, I finally look up. To my relief, Jesus is still there, waiting patiently, lovingly, with a look of contentment on his face. I put the key in the lock and turn it. Amazingly, the cell door instantly flings open, the room is filled with light. Jesus, with a huge familiar smile on his face grabs my hand and we run out of that cell and out into the town. He holds my hand as I go about getting used to my new surroundings. Meeting all the people I had watched for so many years, but never thought I was good enough to be with. Jesus continues to be with me every day as I grow more and more accustomed to my wonderful new life. He explains to me that He has been there with me in my jail cell the entire time. He told me how he has loved me and watched me before I ever went into the cell and has loved me just as much while I was there. He has waited patiently, as I paced back and forth, unaware that I had the key in my hand, too focused on what I didn’t have to realize what I did have.
Like so many people before me and after me....sometimes I would wander right back into that jail cell. Even though I know that Jesus is always with me, He has paid my bail forever, and that life in that jail cell is dull and flat compared to living free.... I would still sometimes feel like it was just too hard.  I can't do it. I have doubt and fear.  I turn my back and walk away from Jesus and back toward the cell. And even though I may turn my back on Him, I know in my heart that if I look back I will see Jesus right behind me. But I sometimes I am too embarrassed to look because I know I am walking back toward a life that isn't meant for me. Sometimes I open the door to that cold cell and go in...but now something is different. Totally different. Now that I know I have the key to get out whenever I want to, it changes my perspective and my desire to be there again. It isn't comfortable anymore. I know that even though I am back in the cell, Jesus is sitting right outside the bars waiting for me with a smile on his face. Eventually I get to the point where I don’t even walk near the jailhouse anymore. I don't even recognize it....

So there you have it.  I wrote that two years ago.  It's hard to believe how much my life has changed since the night I had this vision.  It's hard to believe how much I have changed period.  I went from a life in lock-down to a life of total freedom.  I feel like even though the hardest part was taking that first scary step towards God and hoping that He was real, I am continually changing and becoming more and more the person that God made me to be.  I am stepping into a whole new understanding of the jail cell that I was living in for most of my life.  I have limited myself so much.  Things I am doing in my life and the way I see things and people are so different than they were even just a few months ago.  My relationship with God is ever changing based on His perfect timing.  The one thing that I want everyone...including understand is....there is FREEDOM with God; not religiousness, tradition, and rules.  I really don't like labeling my relationship with God by saying that I am a "Christian"...not that there is anything wrong with that, but it's just so much more than a label.  People ask me if I'm a Christian and what denomination I am, etc.  I call myself a Christian because that is the universal term for someone that believes that Jesus died for our sins, but the name "Christian" can't even get close to encompassing the reality and miracle of having a real one-on-one relationship with the God that created us in His image.  I don't have a denomination, I have a real relationship with God.  He guides me.  He talks to me.  He tugs at my Heart.  The way I live my life isn't because I am trying to "be good", it's because I can't live any other way now that I know God.  If I try to live outside of His will I feel convicted and know that I have to redirect myself.  I hate living outside of the peace of God.  I will never do it again and will do whatever it takes to avoid it.  If I have to live alone in the woods for the rest of my life in order to walk in the will of God, I will do it (Lord, please don't test me on that one...I mean, I really would if you asked me to, I promise...but I am just praying that you don't want me to go all J.D. Salinger).  I don't follow rules or laws, I follow the Holy Spirit.  The laws are written on my heart.  The more religiosity and cliche "churchyness" we put on God, the more we limit Him.  Sure, there are things that I do as part of my walk with God that I do over and over again (religiously, you could say) such as go to church, pray, or read my Bible, but I don't do it out of obligation or religion.  Once those two things come into play you are no longer in a relationship.  Don't get me wrong....if I didn't set aside at least 15 minutes a day to read my Bible, then I probably wouldn't do it.  The same thing that happens in relationships with other humans can happen in your relationship with God.  I know that sometimes I don't want to set time aside for God, but I have never regretted doing so.  But really, the reason I go to church is because I can't wait to spend time with God and Praise Him and Thank Him for all He does for me every second of my life.  You can focus too much on following laws and traditions and totally forget that you have a friend in God.  Talk to Him.  He wants you to lean on Him, share with Him, count on Him, believe in Him.  God isn't a distant dictator in the sky...He calls Himself our Abba, which in Hebrew means Daddy.  He is our Father, but he is also our Daddy.  He is our Disciplinarian, but He is also delights in us and smiles when He thinks of us.  He feels this way about each one of us, no matter who we are, where we live, how we live, how we act, what we eat, how we speak.  He hates our sin because it separates us from Him, but He will never ever hate us.  It's us who turn our backs on God when we sin, not God who turns His back on us. There are so many ways that we limit ourselves in our lives, but there are also so many ways that we limit God.  God cannot be limited by what our minds can understand.  He is outside of space and time.  He is at my birth and at my funeral all at once.  God lives in me.  Anything good in me is Him.  Don't live in a prison cell with a closed mind and a closed heart.  You have the key...always.  You are NEVER stuck.  God had promised that there will always be a way out.  Let God be God.  We need to live our lives believing; having Faith and Hope in that we cannot see.

Love you all,

Katie "you can take my life, but you can't take my freedom" McNemar

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Born Fightin'....Cause I'm IRISH!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!

Do you know why we celebrate St. Patrick's Day?  Do you know who St. Patrick is?  Do you know the significance of the three-leafed clover/shamrock?  Do you care, or do you just want an excuse to pinch people and drink green beer?

It's not often you can find an excuse to pinch people these days, so go for it! Pinch away!  It's their own fault if they don't wear green!  Because it's wrong. So wrong. 

St. Patrick isn't celebrated because he invented Irish Spring and Lucky Charms.  And he certainly didn't invent the drunken mess that is now St. Patty's Day.  St. Patrick did great works as a missionary for God.  As a teenager he was kidnapped by the Irish from his home of Britain and made to be a slave.  He said that God gave him visions that he is to break free and flee to the coast and catch a ship back to Britain...which he did.  After returning home he studied to become a priest.  He felt called back to Ireland in order to save them.   He used the three leafed clover in order to explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish.   That is also how green became the color synonymous with Ireland.  The Irish soldiers started wearing shamrocks, which were green, and then started wearing green uniforms.

My brother and I have Scot-Irish names: Kirk Patrick and Kathryn Lynn McNemar.   In Danish, "Kirk" means "church" or "someone who lives near a church" (what a coincidence! His body is a temple of God and he lives just down the street from his church!).  Patrick is from...St. Patrick (also quite a fitting name given that Kirk is a missionary and preacher).  "Kathryn" is from the martyred St. Katherine and means "pure".  How SWEET! :  ) Lynn is short for Linda apparently...boring!

I wish I could tell you that our parents named us due to these very inspiring meanings, but that would be a lie...and not very "pure" of me, so I'll tell it like it is.  My brother was named after....Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship Enterprise.  My dad is a bit of a Trekkie.  I'm just lucky my name isn't Uhura....or Scotty for that matter.  The middle name of Patrick came about because there was some baseball player around in the early 80's with the last name of Kirkpatrick.  I don't ever ever ever go by the name Kathryn, so don't even think about it. I was named Katie after a McDonald's commercial  my mom saw while she was pregnant with me.  It starred a cute little blonde haired girl named Katie that would only jump in the pool to her Dad after he promised to take her to McDonald's.  What's really strange is....I tend to not do new things without being offered McDonald's, and my brother tends to yell "We're going into warp drive" without reason.  So I guess names really are important.

McNemar is a form of McNamara or MacNamara, which in Gaelic (Mac Conmara) means...Sea Hound.  Yeah, I said it....Sea Hound.

You're probably asking yourself, what the heck is a sea hound, anyway?  Well, I couldn't find a definition, so I created my own:

Sea Hound (n., v. adv., adj.) - Something or someone that is awesome at all times.  The act of being awesome. 
Used in a sentence: (v.) Dude, you totally sea-hounded the competition today when you won the gold medal in Irish Road Bowling.
Used in a sentence: (n.)   I am a sea hound.
Used in a sentence:  (adj.) The party was sea hound.
Used in a sentence: (what is an adverb...I can't remember) A sea-houndly man just walked into the room.

Okay, that was ridiculous.  Sorry.

Anyway, back to how proud I am to be an Irishman!  There are tons of Scot-Irish in West Virginia.  Virginia is where the early Irish and Scottish settlers first came.  We Irishman are the backbone of Appalachia.  The life of an Irishman was far from idyllic.  The Irish were enslaved and persecuted.  They were seen as unruly, drunken dogs and were treated as such.  The early Irish settlers were known for their hard work and affinity for brawling.  Don't worry...I hung up my boxing gloves and drunken ways years ago.  In related news, I did decide to name my Jeep, "The Paddy Wagon".

Look, I know that brawling is not the most effective way to resolve things in life, but I do think it's important to have a passionate spirit.  I know that I say this all the time, but we are in a battle.  I say this all the time...because it's true.  We have to be willing to stand up and fight for our freedom and for Truth.  We have to be willing to fight for our families, our marriages, our friendships, our jobs, our beliefs, our hearts, and most importantly...our souls and our relationship with God.   It's not a pretty world out there.  We have to be aware of the realities while believing in the miracles of what we can't see.  We need to think logically in order to  protect ourselves from falsehoods and lies, while at the same time allowing ourselves to believe in the impossible and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.  We need to be knowledgeable and learned. We need to guard our hearts.  We need to protect what is sacred.  We need to fight for what and who we love!!!!  We need to release our inner William Wallace sometimes.  (If you haven't seen Braveheart, please, please, please watch it....I implore you!  If you watch it and in the end you don't want to start a revolution...then you and I...we don't understand each!) When we feel the enemy's breath on our necks, we need to be willing to turn around and stand our ground and not retreat.  I'm getting fired up just writing this!!!!  We need to put on the armor of God!!!

"Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints...."  Ephesians 6:10-18

It's hard when you can't see the enemy that you're fighting...but as G.I. Joe says...knowing is half the battle.  Just knowing there is an enemy is half the battle.  Let God fight the other half.

I'm proud to be born from a clan of passionate, and hard working, fighting people.  They didn't let persecution and hardships stop them from moving forward.  They didn't give up when things looked impossible.  They didn't go down without a fight.  These are my people....and to them I say....Erin Go Braugh!

In keeping with the theme....I leave you with a limerick (Rated G):

There once was a girl named Katie Mae
"Lord, give me a good man", she would pray
So she (im)patiently waited
Many a' toad had she dated
And God promised He would do so one day.

Kiss me I'm Irish,

Kaetea "Sea Hound" McNemar

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Sunday, March 14, 2010

Some Things in Life Aren't Worth the Cost....

Have you ever found yourself doing something or in a situation that you swore you would never ever get into?   Have you ever compromised on what God has placed on your heart and that you know to be true?  Have you had to face the fact that some things or matter how awesome or attractive they seem...just aren't worth the cost of compromising God's plan for your life?  I have....more times than I would like to admit. 

It all starts with something small....and then it slowly creeps along, building and building, until what you thought you could never do....happens.  You don't know how deep the hole is until you dig so deep that you can't see the light anymore.  The divorce rate is above 50% and people are cheating left and right...but do you think that the day that most of these people took their wedding vows they were thinking that was going to happen?  I doubt it.  But things that are done in the dark....will come to light.   The enemy is so slick and tricky.  He knows that we wouldn't knowingly walk into something that could kill us or hurt us.  He attacks slowly so that we don't even realize we are being invaded.  He is the epitome of the Trogan Horse.  We think we are being offered something good.  Then we wake up in the morning to find that not only did we unknowingly invite the enemy into our fortress, but now they have destroyed us from within while we were sleeping.

Today in church, Pastor Michael preached about not compromising.  He told a story today, that totally shook me awake.  That is why church is so important, ya'll...If I hadn't gone today and gotten this message, I could have continued down the path of compromise and not realized that is where I was going.  It wasn't labeled, "Compromise Road".  I think this story is a perfect representation of how we compromise in our lives.  Especially in relationships.  He told a story about how he and his kids were at an arcade.  He gave them money to play the games, but told them that the only one they couldn't play was that game with the crane and the claw that is supposed to pick up the prize and drop it.  He, as the father, knew that this game was completely impossible to win.  The game is designed to attract you will all kinds of toys and shiny things, but no one in the history of the world has ever won at this game.  It unapologetically takes your money over and over again, but you get nothing in return except frustration.  But what does one of his sons do? He plays the claw game.  Don't we all do that though?  We disobey our father because we think we know better, or that we can trick the system?  So, his son puts a quarter in determined that he would be the exception and that he would show his dad that it wasn't impossible.  Once he puts the coin in he realizes that he is on a timer and so he starts frantically trying to get the claw over top of this stuffed animal in the middle.  Finally he gets the claw right above it.  The claw drops down and wraps itself around the toy. It appears as if it has grabbed on.  But then the claw lifts up and off of the toy, leaving it in the same spot, and goes back to the corner mockingly awaiting another quarter to be dropped in.  His son saw how close he was to getting it and puts another quarter in...totally convinced that this time he knew what he had to do to get it to latch on.  But once again....he was left disappointed.  His father knew it would be a waste of time and money, but he was too overtaken not only by the attractive prizes, but by the challenge of the impossible.  In my own experience, I have seen people put $10 worth of money in those machines for a $.50 toy, just because they thought they could beat the system.  The trick is that it gets you just close enough to winning the prize that you think it's possible.  If we know the game is impossible, why do we still play it? 

The story of the crane game is basically the story of so many of my crushes and relationships.  I get so distracted by the attractive prize that I fail to weigh the benefits/loss ratio.  It's all about winning the prize.  Even if I got the prize...would I really want it?  Time and again when I did finally get the guy I thought I wanted, I quickly found out that I just wasted all my time on someone that I don't even like that much or didn't like me that much.  In fact, it usually ends up that this fantasy guy that I have created in my head is nothing at all like the guy in real life.  I just compromised myself in order to turn the head of a guy that doesn't want me back or that I don't want.  YUCK CITY. Would the right guy ask or require that you compromise yourself?  And what kind of guy would want a girl that is willing to compromise herself?  When it comes to the dating game....a lot of us like the challenge.  It's more about winning the prize than it is caring for the prize in sickness and in health till death do you part.  When someone tells me that something is impossible, I like to prove them wrong. This is a great attitude to have for a lot of things, but when it comes to it worth the cost of your self worth?  Is it worth compromising your beliefs?  What do you have to do to claim your prize?  What price do you put on your heart?  I think that a lot of us feel insecure and think that winning the prize will make us feel worthy, but never does.  It makes us feel...well...compromised.  Godly men want godly women and vice versa.  Women that will do whatever a guy wants are a dime a dozen, but a woman that knows her worth as a child of God are a rare jewel worthy digging for.   In my past I have compromised myself over and over again, and I have felt myself doing so even recently.  The Trogan Horse was wheeling it's way back into my life....slowly.  What can I say...Old Katie tended to place her wandering eye on a wandering guy.  Not good.  Sometimes I forget that I am a New Katie in Jesus and I am worth way more.  And from this day forth....NO COMPROMISE. (PS - There is an amazing book called No Compromise about the life of Keith is SO it if you want to change your life for the better.  If you want your life to suck...don't read it. LOVES)

Have you ever seen Legend with Tom Cruise?  If not, you HAVE to watch it.  It always preaches to me.  In the beginning of the movie, the character Lily throws her beautiful ring into the bottom of the river and tells Jack, her love,  that she will marry the man that finds the ring and brings it back to her.  It seems impossible, doesn't it? A small little ring in a big flowing river?  In his shock, she tells him, "It is my right to set a challenge for my suitors."  Talk about not compromising.  Now-a-days we throw ourselves at men and women that are just like that crane and claw game....they ask us to compromise or we choose to compromise.  We see the pretty prize and we think that we are going to be the exception...we are going to win this elusive prize.  It may even appear that we have gotten ahold of the prize, but then you find out one day that it was all an illusion and now you have wasted your money and time on a prize that wasn't worth the cost.  Why do we compromise so readily?  God is telling us not to compromise, but we disobey our Father and we go after the deception.  There is another awesome scene in Legend where this dark evil lord has kidnapped Lily because of her purity and light.  He wants her to become a creature of the darkness and marry him.  At first she is totally disgusted by him.  He tries to woo her by saying kind things and appearing to care about her.  He makes promises to her.  She continues to resist.  He continues to try and woo her with jewelry and food, and all kinds of things of the world.  Then a creature dressed all in black comes out and starts dancing this hypnotic dance.  Lily suddenly finds herself dancing with this beautiful dark figure.  Before she knows it, she is now dressed all in black and on the outside looks just like one of them.  Even her thoughts start to turn dark.  She is slowly slipping into being someone that she is not.  There is no light in the darkness that she is in.  Sometimes we don't realize that we have just accepted a dance with the devil.

I love the fact that Lily realizes her worth.  She knew that she set the bar so high that it seemed impossible, but Jack had a pure heart and pure love for Lily and therefore was able to find her ring at the bottom of the river.  I refuse to compromise what I know to be true.  I have the right to set the challenge for my suitors.  I belong to God.  And my Father....well...He's the kind of Father that answers the door with a shotgun (I'm talking about Jesus here...not, it's my mom that answers the door with the shotgun).  He loves me more than I can ever imagine and is not going to let anyone touch his daughter or break her heart without paying a price.  My Father is very protective.  He goes before me and shields my way.  He has numbered every hair on my head.  He doesn't want me to be alone, but He would rather I be alone than be with someone that isn't right for me.  He loves me too much.  Time and time again He has saved me from being with the wrong man.  Sometimes I forget who my Daddy is.  But He never forgets. 


Kaetea (I am thinking of spelling my name this way... just to be cooler than I already am)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Love Thine Enemies....

The other day I decided to Google "The Dailies" to see if I am completely unoriginal in my blog title.  And I confirmed that I am, in fact,  totally unoriginal...BUT, that's okay because I made the best discovery.  I happened upon a blog called In The Dailies which is written by an amazing Christian woman named Tanya.  I read her blog every day and I just love how honest and interesting she is.  What she writes about always makes me think.  I also love that she is funny, intelligent, and totally honest about her struggle with her walk with God....which I think is really important.  Today, her blog really hit home for me.  Number one...she blogged about the show Lost, which I totally love, but am SO behind on that it's gonna take me forever to get caught up.  Number two....she blogged about how hard it is to love our enemies, which is something that I struggle with.  Smiling at my enemies, waving at my enemies, maybe even forgiving my enemies...but LOVING...come on...that ain't easy.  Check out her blog below (spoiler alert....she gives away info about the last episode, so if you don't want to know...don't read this): 

It's hard.  Where do you draw the line?  Where do you say...that's enough, I can't have your negativity or abuse in my life?  What does it really mean to love our enemies?  Sometimes loving someone means letting them go. That applies to your "enemies" as well.   Sometimes loving someone doesn't mean that you have them in your life, but it may mean  that you not take revenge on them for a wrong they have done to you.  Love is patient. Love is kind.  Love does not boast. Love does not envy. Love does not keep record of wrongs.  Love is not rude.  Love is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)   This excerpt from the Bible is read at weddings all the time.  We tend to view this as an instruction manual from God to husbands and wives, but God is asking us to Love everyone the same.  The love He is talking about here, is the same love we are supposed to have for our enemies.  We need to practice loving each other this way and then maybe we wouldn't have to worry about loving our enemies....because we won't have any.  There are always going to be people that won't like you no matter what you do.  They may persecute you and go out of their way to ruin your day/life....but they have no power to kill the love inside you.  We are only hurt and upset with people if we allow ourselves to feel that way.  The sad truth is that this world is full of empty and scared people.  All they want is someone to accept them and to feel fulfilled and loved.  If they don't find it with God, they will go elsewhere.  The devil has plenty of carrots to dangle in the face of the lost and broken.  Desperate people do desperate things.  Don't you remember times in your life where you messed up royally and hurt someone only because you reacted out of fear?  God wants to replace that fear with confidence and joy, but what is going to reach the lost first....God's word, or empty promises?

I don't think that God is telling us to have people in our lives that bring us down or keep us from pursuing Him, but I do think that God is asking us to show compassion to "the lost" just like He did for us.  When it comes down to it, we've all done things in our lives that would warrant someone being upset or mad at us...some of us (me) have done worse than that.  So, are we willing to show others the compassion that we wish someone would show us when we do things in our lives out of emptiness and fear?  Or do we turn away from them and point our "you're bad and I'm not" finger at them and draw the line of separation?  We like to do that though, don't we?  We are comfortable being able to label people as "bad" or "good" and decide who goes in which category (we almost always place ourselves in the "good" category).  But truth is that we will never be good enough even if we are good.  We will never be able to be good enough to deserve all of the blessings that God freely gives us.  He blesses the just, and the unjust.  That is why people that try so hard to be good, get burnt out.  God isn't asking us to try and be good.  He's asking us to invite His spirit to live in us and guide us.

Food for thought.


The Good, the Bad, and the Lovely


Feliz Cumpleanos Mamasita!  I've only known you for 29 of the years that God's graced this world with your presence, but I think we can both agree that those have probably been the best 29 years of your life! : )   One day I'll understand how hard it is to be a mom...until then I'll just issue this blanket apology for basically everything I ever did or said as a child, adolescent, teenager, and college kid.  I hope that covers it for now.  Especially all those times that I lied and snuck out with my friends (shame on all of those people for corrupting me).  What did you think was going to happen when my room was three feet from the alley!?  Oh and that time that I lied about how my car got a big dent in the side...that was a bad one.  I should probably also admit that you were right that time in high school when you asked if I was smoking in my closet. I was.  How stupid! Who does that!?  I was just ASKING to get caught on that one.  Sorry bout that.  I swear, I only got arrested that one time in college, though.  I know....once was enough.  But come it's kind of a funny story, right!?  No!?  Okay...still not funny. I suppose that's another one of those things I'll understand better when my daughter gets arrested in college and lies about it.  WAIT!  I don't want my daughter to get arrested at all.  You're future granddaughter is going to be on lock down. 

But we can laugh now about that time that you had to come pick Heather and I up at that field party after the cops chased us through the woods right!?  That was a good 12 years ago.  Not even a giggle!????  Okay.  I understand.  Misbehaving and lying isn't funny (to you).  The great news is that I have been a model citizen and non-liar for years now.  Well, not that I NEVER lie.  Sometimes you have to tell little white lies. Right!?  Come ON!  Look..I'm not going to tell someone that they look bad in their favorite jeans. I just won't.  I am going to look right in their smiling eyes and lie right to their face and tell them that not only do I love how they look in their favorite jeans, but that I wish I had a pair and looked as good in them.  Yep. Unless they seriously look atrocious. Then I would only tell them how awesome they look.  I wouldn't go the extra mile and say that I want a pair too.  Anyway....back to how it's your birthday and I am thankful for you.  Thank you for always supporting and encouraging me.  God has been so amazingly good to our family.  I still do crazy things, but now it's all for God so we know that it's all going to be amazing and awesome.  Thank you for being proud of me even though I've put you through some hard times.  I am finally someone that I can be proud of.  PRAISE GOD!  Thank you for joining me on this journey down God's path even when it's hard for us..together and seperately.   I hope you have an amazing day!  Thank you for taking care of our little family! 


Katie Kate

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Letting Go.

Ok....I can't help it. I HAVE to tell you about going to the new church this Sunday.  I just can't help myself.  Look, I'm Katie McNemar...I'm impulsive.  I don't like to wait.  When I have a good story bubbling away in me, I just can't keep it to myself.  Just like the disciples, I'm imperfect, but excited about God! (This is going to be kindof a long I hope you are comfy!)

These last few months have been hard.  I've had a lot going on with my friends, my family, my job, my life, dad and my dog had to have surgery in the same week.  I knew that God was preparing me for something, and I kinda knew what it was....but I just couldn't do it.  I couldn't make the move.  I resisted....until the past few weeks.

Just for a bit of background:

When I moved to DC in January 2007, I thought it was totally temporary.  I had just called off my wedding.  I felt like everyone was shocked and hurt by what I did.  I lived with and worked with my fiance.  He was a Radiology resident and I worked in the Radiology Department.  I felt like I couldn't go to work and I couldn't go home without continually being reminded of the pain. My friend Julie was kind enough to offer her couch to me. She lived just outside of DC.  So I quit my job and moved.  I never would have imagined that over three years later, I would still be in DC.

The whole time I've been here, I always felt like it wasn't my home.  Like, living here was some sort of holding cell that I was put in until God was ready give me my "real" life.  I thought of it as a transient city where people come for a few years, but they never stay.  I kept trying to move back to WV, but it just wouldn't happen.  Ask my poor family and friends in WV...every 3 months, I would declare that I was moving back. I would get everyone on the task of finding me a job. just never worked out.  I never ever thought that I would move into DC.  I lived in Ashburn, VA, I lived in Alexandria, VA, and I lived in Germantown, MD....but I NEVER thought I would move into DC.  BUT, here I am.

It wasn't until these past few weeks did I realize the truth.  And believe me.  It shook me pretty hard.  I finally got it.....God wants me in DC.  You know how some missionaries move to Africa and live on farms? Well, God has sent me to a dark, dry place, where people are dead or dying, and thirsty even though they have plenty to eat and drink.  And I'm not just talking about the homeless folks, believe me.  He doesn't want me to view this as temporary.  He wants me to call DC home.  For how long...I don't know.  It doesn't matter.  But what I had to get past was looking at living in DC as an exile as opposed to a home. He wants me to pray for this city and the people living in it.  He wants me to be a part of what He is doing here.  WHAT A BLESSING!!!!  Do you know how hard it is to be a follower of Jesus in DC?  Especially an outspoken one that is doing her best to live her life for God!??? It's kinda hard, ya'll!!!  People just don't get you.  They really don't. I feel like people talk to me and they think I'm cool, and then they find out that I love Jesus and now I'm like a leper.  Weird!   It's hard to stand by what you know to be true. I know that being a missionary in Africa is super hard, but at least the people are so desolate, sick, starving, and poor that they realize that they need help.  So many people in DC have EVERYTHING.  They don't need God.  They have cool friends, and a cool car, and a JD, MD, PhD, or whatever after their name, they work for the President of the United States, they have everything at their's SO hard for them to realize...that they need God just as much, or even worse than the starving, persecuted people in Africa.  That is why I feel so blessed.  God obviously feels that I am cut out for the task, even if I don't think I am.  DC is a dark place.  There are so many empty people.  So many lost, and lonely people.  It's been hard for me to keep my light shining and God and I are TIGHT.  I can't imagine how empty it is living here without having God in your life.  No wonder people drink every day and never slow down.  One second of silence and they might hear God's voice calling out to them.   And that is just too scary for most folks.  If they only knew how AMAZING God is.....

Walking to work in the morning I look around me and it reminds me of the beginning of the movie Shaun of the Dead.  Have you ever seen that movie? If not, you should watch it...British humour...gotta love it.  Anyway, in the beginning of the movie Shaun is on his way to work and everyone around him looks like zombies.  On the bus.  Walking down the street.  In their cubes.  Mouths hanging open.  Blank expressions.  Not talking to each other.  You think that they already are zombies.  You are watching the movie thinking, huh, I guess we're gonna just get right  into the zombie thing from the get go.  But then you realize that they are having a laugh at how people look during their morning commute to work.  I look around me on my walk and I wonder if anyone is really alive under all those pretty clothes and expensive hair cuts.  Is anyone inside those bodies, or is it just dried up bones?  Are there other people out there, like me, who are alive with God's love and joy?  Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. (It's not true....but it can feel that way...that's why I need a church in DC. Ya know!)

Anyway, so back to my revelation.  I haven't gone to church in a few months and it's been really really hard on me.  I need church to stay alive, just like I need to eat stay alive. It's not that I would literally die  (I hope) if I don't go to church, BUT my soul loses it's power when I don't recharge my battery and get around people that can speak God's word into my life.  I'm going to apologize to you all in advance for what I'm about to postulate...but here I go....I think that God knew that in order to get me to find a church in DC and consider it my home, grow where I am planted, and let go of what I am comfortable with...He would have to throw down many feet of snow to stop me from driving to Damascus or WV.  So...I'm sorry that God had to have TWO snowpocalyses just so that I would finally relent and listen to Him.  I'll do my best to listen earlier next time....won't let it happen again.  Sorry. 

What I realized a few weeks ago when I was blogging about letting go of anchors in my life was that I needed to let go of the thoughts I had about living in DC.  The truth is...I LOVE DC.  I have been totally in love with it since I moved here.   It is the first time that I have really felt like I was home since I left home with I was 18.  It usually takes me about a year or so to hang pictures on the wall because I am always ready to pick up and go....totally uncommited to where I am. But by month three in DC....there were pictures hung, rugs bought, the works, yo!  I always had one foot in DC and one foot in WV. I always wanted an escape because I never thought I was strong enough to live here and work here.  I was always ready for everything to fall apart, so I never let myself get too comfortable.  That way I wouldn't get hurt.  Does that sound like a relationship too!?  Yeah, it does doesn't it.  Well, I feel like until I was ready to stop just believing in God and actually BELIEVE IN GOD, I wasn't able to commit to anything fully.

Now to the part where I find a new church.  Wajh has been so supportive and awesome over this really tough time of transition.  She has had to say things to me that were very true, but were hard for her to say because she knew I didn't want to hear them.  That's how you know you have a real friend.  They care about saving your soul more than temporarily hurting your feelings.  Wajh has watched me teeter-totter back and forth about setting off on my own..... keeping one foot in WV, not finding a church in DC.  So this Saturday night, she and Hosai were at my place and she asked me if I was going to church in the morning.  I told her some excuse about how I don't want to go back to Damascus because I know that God is asking me to find a new church, but I am just so tired from work and I just want to sleep in.  Trying a new church takes too much energy, blah, blah, blah.  Wajh looked me right in the eye with a seriously look on her face ( I don't get this face often) and said, "Listen, you need to get to church.  Okay.  I don't care which one it is, but honey, when you don't go to church..well...honestly, you get weird.  You've been weird.  You know it.  I don't like it and neither do you.  So, I don't care what you have to do....get to a church tomorrow."  LOL!  Isn't she awesome!?  : )  I wish I could tell you that we had a Hallmark moment where I gave her a big smile and thanked her for her honestly and we drank chamomile tea and knitted scarves.  Nah, it went a little something like this, (After staring at her for a few seconds due to shock) I said, "OR.....I could just do whatever I WANT."  Classy, Katie.  Real, classy.  Don't worry, I eventually conceded to that fact that I've been "weird" and we all parted ways with smiles and laughter. 

So, Sunday morning rolls around.  Let me rewind for a sec and tell you that I had been looking up churches in DC for a few weeks.  I had found one right away that seemed perfect.  I sent the link to my mom and Wajh and they both thought it looked great.  But, I just couldn't seem to make myself go.  At Difference Makers I knew Kirk, so it wasn't hard to start going to church there.  Which was great, because at that time in my life, I needed an easy transition. A new church where I didn't know anyone at all....and go all by myself...scary!

I didn't set my alarm clock because I was still being stubborn and wanted to sleep in.  But at 8am, my eyes popped wide open and without thinking I was up getting ready. For what?  I wasn't sure yet, but I hoped it involved coffee.  What I did know was that I needed to meet with Jesus in a major way.  So my initial thought was to go to Difference Makers....I knew that it would be guaranteed that I would meet with Jesus there...I've been meeting him there for 3 years.  So I am putting on my makeup when I feel God saying to me, "SERIOUSLY!  How many times to I HAVE to TELL you, Katie!?  Don't you TRUST me!???  All I'm asking you to do is get into a cab in five minutes and go to The City Church.  Can you DO THAT, please!? Gosh."  Sometimes God has to be firm with me.  : ) But I listened.  I threw on whatever was closest to me and I ran outside and caught a cab. 

When the cab pulled up outside.  I knew.

I walked in and already felt at home.  I can't explain it other than..well, it's a God thing.  Let me take a moment to tell you all what is most important to me in a church...k!?  Number One....It has to be a Bible based church that teaches the truth.  I don't want to go to a church where they make up whatever they want to please people and get them in the door.  Sometimes God's word is harsh and hard to hear....but any good Father disciplines his children.  Number two....God's spirit has to be alive in the church.  I want to be in a place where people feel free to worship and praise God in any way they want.  If they want to raise their hands up, jump around, dance, fall down, yell, cry, sit still with their head bowed, pray quietly (all of which I have done many 'a time)...whatever God's Spirit moves them to do...I want them to feel free to do it.  I never EVER thought I would feel that way, but honestly, all it takes is one touch from God and you won't be able to keep yourself from dancing sometimes.  Number three...I just want to WANT to be there.  I don't care if they have fancy stuff or free coffee....if God isn't there none of that matters.

Now to how I knew it was the right place to be.  The sermon.  The Pastor interrupted his regularly scheduled 4 week sermon on "One is Not the loneliest number" in order to preach about vision...and following the vision that God puts in your heart no matter what.  He preached about how The City Church got started and how he had to trust in God completely just in order to have the strength to do it all.  He talked about how without vision, we get fatigued in our everyday lives.  Without a purpose, everything becomes a chore they weighs us down.  He talked about how hard it is to live in DC, but he knew that God was calling him here because God is doing awesome things here.  He talked about how working and living in DC can feel like running in the sand.  It's hard, it takes more effort, and it makes you tired....but it also makes you stronger and more prepared.  And one day...when you finally hit the'll be able to easily sprint ahead.

That is when I realized it. DC is my home for now and God is saying to me that NOTHING is impossible with Him.  I always thought that there is no way that I would ever meet a nice, respectful, awesome guy that would treat me right in DC....but God is telling me that NOTHING is impossible with Him.  I always thought that DC was a hopeless city....and that it would take someone with way more experience than I have in order to reach out to the hurting people here...but God is telling me...."Don't you remember the disciples?  They were farmers and fisherman.  I will do even greater things through you.  You are stronger than you know."  All of the thoughts I had about DC are different.  It's hard when people in WV want you to live there because they love you and love being around you.  It's hard when people from your church don't want you to leave because they love you and miss you.  But, God is who I answer to and He has been clear.  Now that I have finally given up my fight, I have JOY in the place that I am.  I know that big and wonderful blessing are happening to me every day and God has even bigger things in store than I can imagine.



Monday, March 8, 2010

Turn and Face The Strange....Ch Ch Ch Changes

So, I've  made some big decisions lately.  I've been wondering if I should blog about them, because I don't want to jinx them or anything....but I don't really believe in jinxing, so....why not!?   What's a couple secrets between a few thousand (heh) friends?

I'll start with some smaller ones.

For example, my best friend Wajh somehow talked me into doing the Pacers half marathon in Arlington on May 9th.  Yep.  You heard me.  A half marathon.  I have decided that this year, I am going to attack all the things I told myself were impossible for me.  No mercy. I always labeled myself as "not a runner".  But when I started running last year, I found out...I love it.  And so now, I am going to push myself past my comfort zone and am going to run 13.1 miles...all in one day. : )  If you would like to join me, let me know.  Or if you would like to pray for me as I train and run on May 9th...all prayers are welcome!

I have also always been afraid of heights.  I mean, I totally used to freak out.  I couldn't even go on balconies of hotel rooms or anything.  It's so funny though, as I have gotten closer with God...I am so much better than I ever was.  Last summer, I hiked SugarLoaf Mt all by myself and went out on the edge of the rocks and sat with my feet dangling over the edge.  I was like, whoa.  SO, in order to totally freak myself into submission...I am going to do something crazy.  I am going to go to the Trapeze School in  DC.  Seriously...check it out:

Me and some of my super awesome friends are going to go.  This will be way harder for me than running the half marathon.  The last time I tried to "face my fear" of was a bit of a fiasco.  Our youth ministry went to the indoor pool in Germantown.  They had a high dive.  Yeah.  So here are all these middle school and high school kids and I am supposed to be their leader...and I am standing on the high dive totally freaking out.  I finally walk myself out on the end of the board and start shaking and seriously considering crying.  My brother....the kids....the other ministry leaders are all cheering me on.  I screamed like someone was killing me and I jumped/fell awkwardly off the high dive.  BUT the point is... I DID IT!  THEN, I did it again.  The next time....less shaking and more of a yell than a scream.  : )  So, as you can see....the trapeze school is going to be F.U.N.!  Think positive thoughts.  Think positive thoughts. Oh, and while you're praying for me with the marathon...why not throw in a few for the trapeze school.  I don't want to embarrass myself any more than necessary for a good laugh.

Next up on my agenda....hiking/camping.  Like, for real.  Not the hiking/camping that I do, which consists mainly of walking up a clearly marked trail until it gets scary and then coming back down.  And my idea of camping is mostly staying at a house (complete with shower, dishwasher, and toilet) that just so happens to be in the woods.  Hey, a house in the woods can be scary as hell...stop judging.  It's been many moons since high school when I used to camp in the woods every weekend.  But let's not get into why I was camping in the woods in high school...those are more "in person" kinds of stories.  Anyway, back to my real hiking/camping challenge. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go camping/hiking for real.  I don't know where, and I don't know when...but I shall.  Again, if you would like to join me and watch as I do all that I can to avoid using the bathroom in my guest.

Next up is the big one.  The grand daddy of all my recent big decisions......

I'm going to start going to a church in DC.

To some of you...that may not seem like a big deal. But believe's a HUGE deal.  Changing churches is like moving away from your family.  It's like your first day at school.  You don't know anyone.  You don't know if you're going to fit in.  You don't know if you're going to like it.  It has taken me months to finally do what I now know with 100% certainty that God has been asking me to do for months.  I even think I found "the one"....the new church.  It's been tearing me apart over the last few months trying to get myself to do this.  Difference Makers in Damascus has been my home since I moved here in January of 2007.  If it weren't for Pastor Clark, and my entire church family...I can honestly say, I don't know where I would be.  Difference Makers is such an amazing church.  God is SO alive there.  If you want to see people that are totally free in will find them there.  Difference Makers gave me the opportunity to know God in a way that I didn't even think was possible.  I got to work with my brother and his wife Dana.  I became a leader in the middle school and young adults ministry.  I even got to sing a few times.  I got to open the services by giving the announcements.  I hosted an amazing book club/Bible study at my apartment for months.  But most importantly, every moment in that church I knew I was with God.  I actually looked forward to church every fact, I couldn't WAIT.   That is why my friend Phil and I started the book club....we both wanted more God.  It's taken me months to let go of all of this and do what God has been asking me to do.  And now I's what I need to do.  God wants me in DC.  Once I go to this new church a few times I will tell you about how I knew right away it was "the one".  But I don't want to do that right now.  Picking a church is like picking a partner.  You don't want to rush it.  You don't want to judge too quickly.  You want to make sure it's the right fit.  So, please pray for me as I make this huge transition.  It's one of the hardest things I've had to do, believe it or not.  I may not know why right now...but I do know that God has big plans for me....plans to prosper and not to I am ready.  If anyone would like to join me at this AWESOME church in DC....let me know:


Lord I Was Born A Ramblin' WOman

Monday, March 1, 2010

My Bollywood Moment....Shocking Finale

I am SO sorry to keep you all waiting.

I know that you have been impatiently awaiting the finale of my completely ridiculous and utterly over-the-top Bollywood moment turned extravaganza.  Well, let me just start with telling you all that Edward Cullen has been removed from the mix altogether.  I realized that as much as I love his buttery eyes and smooth talkin'....he doesn't eat people food.....SO that's gonna be a major problem during the Holidays.  My mom makes the BEST pumpkin rolls and the thought of him not being able to sit at the kiddie table with me and my cousins and fight my brother for the drumstick during Thanksgiving is almost too much to bare.  Plus, who wants a guy who's skin can out sparkle yours?  I mean, it's hard enough to feel pretty these days, who needs to compete with a sparkly blood sucking vampire that has been alive long enough to be your great great grandfather! CREEP CITY! 

Another development to my tall tale is that Mr. Helping Hand is also completely out of the mix.  Let's be honest....he just wasn't interesting enough.  Any good Bollywood movie needs drama and this dude just didn't produce.  He didn't show up unexpectedly at my job with flowers and start singing about the wind blowing through my flowing tresses and the light emanating from my hazel eyes.  We didn't see eachother on a bus and just barely meet eyes and then both disappear.  We didn't both reach for the same cup of coffee and look up to see that we knew eachother. NONE of that happened.  So, obviously, he had to go. drama shall end with the only man dramatic enough to deserve a true Bollywood Shocking Finale....Shahrukh Khan will now be starrring as.....Shahrukh Khan.  Yep...that. just. happened.


So....Shahrukh Khan has heard about my blog.  Obviously.  Why wouldn't he, it's marvelous!?  Word got out in Mumbai about my newfound love of Indian cinema, and my blog is all the buzz.  After reading about, what some might call, my overly dramatic Bollywood moment, he decides he has to meet the brilliant mind behind it all.  Not only does he want to turn my Bollywood moment with Mr. Helping Hand into a Bollywood hit the likes that no one has seen before....but he wants ME to star in it with him.  Drew Schmew, says he....I want Katie.  (Get in line, buddy). Even though he has never met me, or seen me...he just knows...I'm....the one.

So, he breaks his vow to never fly into the US unless he has to and he takes the red-eye straight into Reagan National Airport.  I, of course, have no idea that all of this is happening and am just innocently getting ready to walk across the Key Bridge from DC into Virginia carrying a copy of one of my favorite books...Pride and Prejudice.  Shahrukh had my address, because he's a super star and has people that do that kind of stuff for him, so he hopped in the first cab he saw and was heading into DC.  What he didn't know what that it was rush hour in DC and he was going to be sitting in traffic forever.  Something in his heart told him that he didn't have a moment to spare.  He throws $20 at the cabbie and starts running down the sidewalks and streets until he reaches the Key Bridge.  (I think you see where this is going....).

As I am almost to the middle of the bridge a big wind picks up and knocks my well worn copy of Pride and Prejudice out of my hand. I watch as my beloved book flies through the air and slowly floats down into the muddy waters of the Potomac.  I instinctively reach out to catch it and almost fall over the railing when all of a sudden I feel someone grab my hand.  I slowly turn to see the beautiful man who this Helping Hand belongs to.  It takes me a few seconds to realize that the man that I have been blogging about, then man that I have been watching in movies, the man that I have a huge crush not only standing in front of me, but he has just saved my life.  I am speechless.  A crooked smile slowly forms across his face.  He looks at me and says, "This moment reminds me of a story I once read about an Indian man in DC lending a helping hand to an INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS American girl.  In fact, that is why I'm here.  I am on my way to see the amazing woman that shared this story on her blog....and I'm going to ask her if I can produce her movie and maybe...just maybe....she might consider me as more than just her producer."  I continue to stand there, staring in amazement.  Could it be!?  Was he really in see...ME!?  I couldn't find words.  They wouldn't come out.  Shahrukh gives me a big smile and starts running across the bridge in the direction of DC.  He was running so fast, and I was so in shock, that I couldn't catch up with him so that i could tell him....I'm her.  I'm the INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS American girl!  I knew that I had to get back to my apartment before he got there.

I run as fast as I can.  Finally, I get to my apartment building and run past the front desk.  Each step seems slower than the next even though I am running as fast as I have ever run.  With each corner my heart leaps with anticipation...hoping..wishing, that he would be there.  I reach my door only to find a note taped to it.  It reads, "My Dearest DC Mystery Girl, I flew all the way from Mumbai just to kiss the hand of the woman that wrote the beautiful story of her brief moment with a kind stranger.  I so hoped to have been able to meet you in person, but it seems as though this letter requesting you allow me to produce your story and make it into one of the biggest Bollywood hits there has ever been will have to suffice for now.  I hope you don't mind me being so frank, but the only part about your story that I didn't like, was that you envisioned Drew Barrymore playing you.  For me, the only face that I could see when I thought of making this movie, was yours...and I don't even know what you look like.  My heart tells me...your....the one.  Many Blessings until we meet, Shahrukh Khan."

My knees felt weak.  My left hand placed against my door was the only thing holding me up.  I couldn't believe it.  All my dreams were coming true.  Tears of happiness begin to stream down my face.  I run to the front desk and ask if they had seen which direction the man had gone in that was just at my apartment.  I started running in the direction that they pointed.  It felt like hours that I searched.  All I could think about was his hand reaching out to me and saving my life.  How was this all happening?  I don't know why I thought that I would be able to find him in a city full of people.  I finally gave up the search and decided to return to my apartment to get some rest.

As I turned the final corner I saw a figure slumped against my door. As I got closer, my heart lept into my throat when I was him.  I quietly walked over and knelt down beside him.  He was sleeping and I didn't want to startle him.  I take my hand and carefully move a strand of hair from his face and his eyes slowly open.  He studies me as a look of  recognition slowly creeps across his face and grabs my hand.  He slowly pulls my hand to his lips and gently kisses it without moving his eyes from mine.  He then reaches into his bag and pulls out a small package.  He smiles and said, "I should have known that the girl I saved today would be the girl that would save me for the rest of my life."  He hands me the package and explains that he brought me a little something that is near and dear to his heart.  "You never show up to a date empty handed." he said sleepily.  I open the package and find that he has brought me a copy of....Pride and Prejudice.  "Oh my goodness!  I didn't realize that you saw the book that I lost on the bridge today!!  Thank you so much for replacing it.  It's always been my favorite love story."  His smile widens and he begins to laugh softly.  "Katie, my dear, I bought that book in Mumbai only moments after reading your blog.  I knew that I had to see you, and I knew for some reason that this book would be the perfect gift for you....even in your writing I can tell you are a bit of an Elizabeth Bennett."

I will end my story with a picture.

A picture is worth a thousand words:

I said yes.

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This pic is from Shahrukh Khan's new movie "My Name is Khan".  (In theatre's now!) A movie in which he is NOT starring alongside Drew Barrymore and has NOTHING at all to do with my DC Bollywood moment.  However, it does take place in the USA which is where I live and play, so at least we're getting closer!!!  One of these days, ya'll.  One. Of. These. Days.

PS - I am fully aware that Shahrukh Khan is very very married  and has kids.  But that doesn't mean that he isn't ridiculously hot and that I can't one day star in a movie with him.


Katie Khan