Easter Blog!

Hey ya'll!  Did you miss me!?  Well, I certainly missed you all.  It's been a little crazy lately, but I really try not to write about negative things because I don't want to give any power to the negativity.  But, I also don't want to seem like everything is always roses, cupcakes, and puppies when they aren't.  The fact is, we all go through hard times and I want to be as honest as possible.  So....honest I shall be.  I've had the flu for the last few days.  I've been trying to carry on as if I didn't, but all that got me was way sicker, so I gave in.  I'm sick.  It happens.  It'll pass.  The best thing that came out of my getting the flu is that I have gotten some much much needed sleep.  I've had insomnia for the last month or so and no matter what I tried, I just couldn't sleep.  I have been super mega stressed at work, which I know is why I haven't been sleeping.  On top of the not sleeping and being stressed, I've been running way more than I've ever run in my life while I'm training for this half marathon.  Basically, all of this has culminated into my getting the flu and honestly, I've never been happier to not be able to get out of bed.  Feeling inches away from death (okay...slight exaggeration, but come on people, can I have just a tiny pity party for myself?  Just a tiny one!?  Thank you!  PS - You are cordially invited to my pity party.  Bring a guest.) has actually put things back into perspective quite nicely for me.  A job is just a job.  Even though I love my job....I don't need to kill myself over it.  I didn't let this pesky flu keep me from church on Easter, and I didn't let it keep me from an amazingly wonderful small hiking trip I planned with some of the most amazing friends a girl could have.  I know I'm biased, but seriously, every single one of the people on this trip have impacted my life for the better.  I heart them!  Therefore, I didn't let anything stop me from spending the day with them.  Laughter is for sure the best medicine....right alongside hiking up a mountain.  : )  But you know what, I used to be that girl that would let sickness stop her from living her life, but NO MAS!  I may have had to stay in bed for two straight days afterwards, but it was well worth it.

Anyway....enough about me!  How are YOU!?..............Good to hear it! : )

It would be totally out of character for me to not do an Easter blog...I mean seriously.  In my fevered state (yes, the pity party continues) I got to church and heard an amazing message.  I wasn't going to miss a day that celebrates the whole reason for Christ's life on Earth.  A day which He rose from the grave and beat death so that we may live a life of freedom; no more sacrificing animals, no more following the old law. Who the Son sets free....is free indeed. (John 8:36).

What's more important than the fact that Jesus was born, (which by the way...is a historical fact even in secular history and not just biblical history) is that Jesus died and was raised from the dead.  I know, I know,  I know.  Some people reading this are already closing out of the blog.  And I get it...I understand.  And trust me, it would be easy for me not to write this.  It would be easy for me to keep all of this to myself.  But, Katie McNemar don't. do. easy.

I know, it all seems like a fairy tale made up to give people a crutch.  Something for the uneducated to hold onto.  That's totally what I used to think.  Virgin births and the dead raising?  What!?  Why not just throw Hansel and Gretal in there for good measure.  But....for some reason, even though it all sounded like a big bunch of crazy crap to me at one time.....this Jesus guy....just wouldn't leave me alone.  I remember when my brother first became a follower of Jesus.  I was seriously shocked.  And as much as I loved my brother and could totally see that it was good for him.  I still just thought that it was all fake.  I thought that it would all fall apart one day and then he would realize that Jesus isn't real.  But, no matter how much he went through, Kirk never stopped believing or trusting in Jesus.  When he started saying things to me, kinda the same things I am about to write to you, I would just listen politely for awhile and then I would argue with him.  I was so frustrated.  How could an intelligent and well-educated dude such as my brother, really buy into this stuff!?  It took years and years, but eventually....what finally got me what nothing that I read in a book....but something that happened in my heart.  Something that I can't explain, but something that was real.  It was God.

There are a lot of people out there that will concede to the fact that Jesus lived and died.  They even say such things as, "Yeah, I like Jesus. He was a great man. He did really nice things."  However, they don't believe that He is God incarnate come to Earth to be the last sacrifice to atone for all our sins.  And trust me, I totally understand how hard it is to believe.  I really do.  But, if secular history proves that Jesus was born, and died...and that there was a controversy over the empty tomb....then maybe it might be worth taking a look into.  If Jesus isn't God, then He isn't a nice guy that did nice things.  He's a liar and a cheat....and also insane. Not exactly a God I would want to believe in.   But I'm not depending on apologetics here, the truth is that if you can't believe in things that you can't see or figure out completely, then it's going to be hard to believe in Jesus and all of the miracles surrounding Him and His purpose.  When I first started looking into this whole Jesus situation, I started reading apologetic books.  Basically, this is the scientific route of showing that Jesus is God and that He died and lived again.  And honestly, reading these books are a huge part of my becoming a Believer, but in the end...it's part that science can't prove that finally got me.  As I drew closer to God, He drew closer to me.  I don't think I can even explain it very well in words, but God touched my heart and soul, and revealed the truth to me.  And ever since then, my life has been forever changed for the better.  Way better.

I could write a book just on how much God has clearly shown up in my life and worked miracles....real miracles.  If you know me....you know that I'm crazy...but not in a way that I would just blindly believe in a bunch of hocus pocus in order to have a crutch.  Because believe me, crutches don't last.  I am an educated, hard-working, well-rounded, normal-ish person....and I believe in Jesus.   Anything I've used other than God to fill the void in my life has all proven to be an idol...a golden calf, if you will.  I don't want to be comforted, I want the truth.  I never wanted to, and still don't want to, believe in something just because everyone else does.  That's just not how I roll.  In fact, I am the opposite.  I want to do exactly the opposite of what people tell me to do most times.  So, while my new life is a rebellion against the world and the philosophies and ideas of man....I am done with rebelling against God.  I seriously can't do it anymore.  If I even do one tiny thing that I think might be out of the will of God, or if I do something that might make someone stumble, I am on the floor praying to God to forgive me and redirect me.  I know what it's like to live a life trapped by sin, but now that I know that Jesus has paid the price for me already....all I want to do is live the life of freedom that He bought for me with His life.  He knew what was going to happen.  He knew He was going to die.  He knew it would be painful and agonizing, but He thought it was worth it.  I love and worship a God that came to Earth in order to experience all of the temptations, pains, and worries that I experience.  God humbled himself and became a human out of love. That used to be so hard for me to believe, but from where I am now....I have a hard time understanding why people struggle so much with it.  Why wouldn't God act out in a drastic showing of love?  God is love.  God=love.  He loves us.  He doesn't want us to be robots, so He gave us free will.  He knew it was risky because with choice comes a great responsibility.  He knew we would choose wrong, but it was worth it to Him so that He could have love.  Robots can't love.  Only with choice can we have real love.  I choose to love who I love...and I choose to love God.  And what is really crazy....even if I never chose God...He would still love me.  I'm not a parent, but I am sure that any good parent out there would sacrifice themselves for the lives of their children.  If a human parent, who is flawed and imperfect, would sacrifice themselves for their children, then why wouldn't the Creator of the Universe?  If I would have been the only person on Earth, He still would have thought it worth it to die for me.  Whoa.  That is hard to believe.  I know I don't deserve it, but I thank God every day for it.

I know this blog is pretty intense, but I just can't help it.  I am intense when it comes to God.  I think it only makes sense to be intense about something that you really believe in.  Everything that I am and everything that I do is because of what Jesus did for me.  Of that fact, I am 100% sure.  If you like me...it's because of Jesus.  If you think I'm funny or cool...it's because of Jesus.  If you think I'm pretty...it's because of Jesus.  Because without him...I'm not likable, funny, cool, or pretty.  At least not in a real and lasting way.

Haven't you ever been in love and all you can talk about is that person?  Everything you talk about with them, you think about over and over again.  You can't wait to see them again.  One smile or word from them and your whole day is complete.  You love the way they make you feel.  You love the fact that they are interested in you and want to hear about you and your day.  You just can't get them out of your mind.....well.....that's the kind of relationship I have with God.  If you don't have that kind of relationship with God, then I hope you are jealous for one.  Because God is jealous for one with you.

I don't want to believe in a God that I don't look forward to spending time with.  I don't want to believe in a God that I feel obligated to.  I don't want to believe in a God that doesn't protect me and give me strength.  I don't want to believe in a God that doesn't touch my heart.   I don't want to believe in a God that doesn't love me enough to die for me.  And I don't want to believe in a God that isn't worth dying for.

Intense?  Yes.
Do I care?  No.

I love you guys!

Katie