Saturday Story TIME!!!!
When I was a little girl, my best friend was Katie
McCord. She is the baby doll lookin' cutey on the left and I am the blondie in the middle getting macked-on by a four year old Brian Bergstrom. (The shoes, the shoes, it's gotta be the shoes! Sorry....old school Michael Jordan Nike commercial reference. I remember majorly unimportant things.) Today's story is about the time I convinced Katie that there was a magician named Myron living in my house that would grant me wishes. This story happened last week. KIDDING! Thankfully, this was many moons ago....when we were in grade school.
As you may recall from earlier blogs , I had an unfortunate talent for telling tall tales when I was a kid (and teenager....and maybe in college as well. Totally over it now. Or am I....!?). And unfortunately for my BFF Katie....she was an innocent, honest, trusting, and kind hearted person that assumed that her friends are also innocent, honest, trusting and kind hearted. I started with small lies....just to see if she would take the bait. One night while she was sleeping over at my house, we were laying under my bed and telling stories. It was late at night, everyone was asleep but us, and in the quiet moments in between giggles, you could hear creaking sounds in my house. Katie asked me what the sounds were. I had asked my mother the same question a while ago and my mom had told me that the creaking was because the house was settling and the reason you only heard it at night was because that was when it was quiet enough in the house to hear it. I could have told Katie the same thing.....but I didn't. On the spot, I made up a haunting tale. I told her that when my parents were having our house built, one of the workers fell into the cement of the foundation. By the time they realized what had happened, it was too late to save him...so they left him buried there....forever. They built the house over his body as if nothing had ever happened. At night....you can hear his unsettled ghost hammering....because he died before he could finish the job. He doesn't know....he's DEAD!.....She bought it...hook, line, and sinker. I had read The TellTale Lilac Bush and R.L. Stine waaaay too much. The problem was.....I had managed to scare myself in the process. We eventually turned on the lights and played Barbies in order to quiet our nerves.
After that night, I knew I had her. She would believe anything. Poor girl.
I believe it was around 4th or 5th grade when I finally worked my way up to the grand daddy of all tall tales. I plotted and planned for days prior to Katie's visit. I even got my parents in on this one. My plan was to somehow convince Katie that there was a magician in my house and that he would grant me wishes. I'm tellin' you guys....this was genius. The amount of detail that went into pulling this off was quite impressive...if you look past the whole aspect of it being a cruel and dirty lie. Before Katie got there I was told my brother and parents that I was just going to "have fun" with Katie and play a "little trick on her". I told them my magician idea, but I didn't go into a lot of detail. I didn't want anyone to foil the plan. My dad had a collection of old books in the basement from when he was a school teacher. There was one book in particular that looked especially old. I poured over the contents of the book trying to find a poem or a story with something that might fit as a "spell". I finally found it. I can't remember now what it said, but whatever it was....it sounded good enough to me. I then took some of my sketch book paper and wrote a note on it from a magician named Myron. I tried to make the hand writing look old. Then i took the paper outside and rubbed it around in the dirt and crumbled it up and made it look really old. I even snuck some matches outside and burnt the edges of the paper. It looked old and....magical. Then I buried it under the ground by my porch. I also hid random things all over my house and my yard. If I was going to convince Katie that a magician granted wishes, then I would have to have things appear now wouldn't, I?
So finally the day comes. Katie comes over to my house. Her sweet innocent smile wasn't enough to deter me. I got started right away. I told her that I had something exciting to show her. I took her into my room and showed her an old book I had found in the woods. I explained to her that while I was reading through it I found this magical spell. Once I said it out loud, a magician appeared and told me that if I say this spell he will come and he will grant me wishes. At first...she didn't buy it. She nervously laughed and tried to change the subject. I had planned for this. So I say the "spell" and then I ask that Myron make a necklace appear in my shoe. And wouldn't you know it.....Katie goes over and grabs my shoe and right inside it....A NECKLACE!!! She turned white and then grabbed the book out of my hand. She fell right into my trap. She said, "Do it AGAIN!". And I happily obliged. I went through the house having "my wishes granted". When we went into the kitchen to talk to my mom, I winked at my mom and said, "Hey mom....I was just telling Katie about Myron the magician. Isn't it amazing that he's REAL?! wink wink" My mom played her part...she obviously wasn't as good at this whole lying thing than I was, but I very much appreciated her effort. Then the piece de resistance.....I "asked" Myron the magician to show us he is real by writing us a letter and leaving in the ground. I then go outside and start digging...and lo and behold....we found ourselves an old letter!!! I handed the letter to Katie and she was in shock. Then something happened that I hadn't planned on at all....she said...."Let ME try now!!!" Ah oh! I wasn't sure what to do. I had to think fast. I tried to tell her that it only worked for me. That he was MY magician and that she would have to go find her own. But she wouldn't buy it. I guess my lie was so good that I had totally convinced her. What a scary tiny charismatic leader I was.....thank goodness I didn't try and start a cult and plan an uprising. She said the "spell" and then started asking for things to appear. They didn't....of course....because I had already gone through all the stuff I planted. So then she told ME to do it again since I'm the only one he will do it for. So....I improvised by using my slight of hand to grab a necklace or an earring or anything and quickly plant it somewhere and then make them "appear". Honestly....I was getting tired. Hours of carrying on this lie was flippin' exhausting. I was happy initially when I was able to trick her, but now...well....it was too hard to keep up. So I decide that it's time to tell her the truth. I knew I wasn't going to get to play army or anything fun if I didn't get this crap over and done with. I start laughing and telling her it was all made up. As I am recounting to her how I had hid things and planned days in advance in order to trick her....she REFUSED to believe me. She told me that I just wanted to keep the magic to myself and that was why I was saying all that. I couldn't believe it! She believed my lie way more than she believed my truth. I continued to try and convince her that I had made it all up, but I had done such a good job that she just wouldn't listen. Then....she starts crying. I felt awful. I had toyed with her thoughts and emotions and now she is going to have a mental breakdown on me. I ran and got my mom and told her everything. My mom went in and talked to Katie and explained everything. She apologized that her daughter had somehow ended up being the spawn of satan, and she apologized that she had participated. I was, of course, grounded for lying, and Katie's parents came to get her. I decided after that day, that I was never ever going to lie again. When I first got the idea it seemed so brilliant, but seeing how much it hurt Katie and how exhausting it was to keep up.....I promised myself and my parents that I would never lie again.
That....was a lie. : )
So there you go. Now you know. Happy Saturday everyone!
Liar Liar Pants on Fire