Thursday, September 2, 2010

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness...

Sometimes when I am at CVS or Safeway and I start walking down the shampoo/conditioner/body wash/fake nails aisle I will randomly remember that my conditioner bottle felt a little light that morning and ...henceforth...I must purchase another bottle.  (I like to walk down every aisle just in case I forgot to add something to my "list" of things I need.  And by "list" I mean...a mental list that I make as I walk down aisles). The problem with my subconscious conditioner tracking is that it tends to be a little off.  Apparently what feels light to me is in fact another two weeks worth of conditioning.  The real problem arises when not only do I pick out a new bottle of conditioner, but then I tell myself that I think my shampoo bottle is feeling a little light as well.  (Does anyone else run out of conditioner before shampoo?  I, admittedly, have the tendency to overcondition.  But I was just curious if I was the only one.)  And I feel pretty confident in saying that everyone knows that you don't mix shampoo and conditioner brands.  It is clearly stated on the shampoo bottle instructions (my bathroom reading material of choice when there are no other options) that you are to follow with the same brand/type of conditioner...rinse and repeat people! Rinse and repeat!  Far be it from me to question the scientists at the Herbal Essences beauty lab. So, in order to avoid a cataclysmic disaster brought on by waking up late, hoping in the shower, and finding that I am completely out of hair care products...I keep what I like to refer to as "Katie's Shampoo, Conditioner, and Body Wash Disaster Stockpile".  I live in a studio apartment, which doesn't allow for much storage so I had to make a I stockpile canned goods, fresh water, medical supplies and flashlights....or do I stockpile beauty products.  I live in DC, so it would seem like the most intelligent stockpile option would be the one involving canned goods; however, I chose to go with the SCBW Disaster Stockpile (I love acronyms).   Here is my reasoning:

1) Due to an overabundance of clothes and shoes, I have no space left for stockpiling....unless I utilize the shower!!  My SCBW Disaster Stockpile has found it's happy home on the edge of my bathtub and on the shower caddy that precariously hangs on my 50 year old shower head.  Canned goods and flashlights wouldn't last in this volatile environment.  They weren't made to withstand moist (I can't stand that word..moist...just..ew!) environments.  But the engineering geniuses at Johnson & Johnson have created casings that will outlast even a year's worth of showers (aforementioned findings were gathered from an extremely unscientific study accidentally done by me when I realized while moving last year that I had had a shampoo bottle for over a year and had not thrown it away or used it all up.  Go ahead and judge, but honestly, I think that's pretty impressive.)

2) If there is a disaster in DC to which I will have to resort to canned goods for my sustenance, then I'm probably not going to last very long unless they figure out a way to preserve Chipotle or Five Guys.  Beets, green beans, and corn will get old fast.

3) What if everyone stockpiled food and emergency medical supplies, but no one even though about hair care products and now they are willing to barter with me for some shampoo!?  It could happen!

Okay.....that was a large bunch of ridiculousness.  I apologize if you wasted any brain cells on that.

When I get my new shampoo and conditioner home from the store, I place it in my shower (the SCBW Disaster Stockpile home base).   But, what usually ends up happening is that I get bored with the shampoo and conditioner that I had previously been using and say, "Hey, I wonder what this new stuff is like!?" and I give it a try.  It's just sitting there....beckoning to me from it's colorful bottle...offering promises of fruit-smelling hair.  I tell myself that I am just going to try it once and then use the rest of the old stuff, but inevitably, I just start using the new stuff.  My shower is full of almost empty shampoo and conditioner bottles.  The only thing about this whole mess that is redeeming is that at least I don't throw the almost empty bottles away and waste a few days worth of good hair cleansing....I keep it until it's gone (even if it that would require I keep it for a year).

I have hair product commitment issues and I think it's about time I face it. 

I am setting a challenge for myself.  I vow to buy shampoo and conditioner and use the least amount that I possibly can and still have clean, shiny hair.  No more being wasteful.  I also vow to use said shampoo and conditioner until it is completely empty, and only start using a new bottle once the old is gone. So what if the all natural shampoo that I spent $20 on makes my hair smell like the bottom of a gorilla's foot.  I made a risky purchase and now I (and everyone within wafting distance) have to suffer the consequences.

I hope that once I complete this challenge that I will be able to move on to other products such as body wash, but for now.....I like to keep my body wash options open.  Some days I want to smell like cool cumcumber, and some days I want to smell like a fresh sea breeze.  Baby steps.

Don't even get me started on my dryer sheets.

This completely pointless blog was brought to you today by the letter A.

For Awesome.



K to the T


  1. I too run out of conditioner before I run out of shampoo. I'm not sure why, but it seems these companies think that we should use less conditioner, so they sell it to you in smaller bottles. Of course, this blog reminds me of Billy Madison, "Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really."

  2. "Stop looking at me swan!" - Billy Madison


    There are some questions in life that are too complicated and deep to answer.

    And some of those questions are about Conditioner.

  3. I didn't know that CVS had isles, I'll have to pay more attention next time. However, I have spent time wandering through their aisles.


  4. Oh, there's isles...believe me! The Isle of Deodorant, the Isle of Toothpaste, and the Isle of Vitamins. : )

  5. When I used to coach tennis, I had a girl on my team whose last name was Swann. I would say "Stop looking at me, Swann!" a lot. She hadn't seen the movie, so she didn't laugh, but I laughed a lot. She just thought it was mean...

    And I'm pretty sure she used shampoo and conditioner, so this comment is relevant. I'm almost certain of that.


Whatcha thinkin'?