I have a love/super love/hate/mega hate relationship with coffee. It's one of my most complicated relationships of all time. Even more complicated than my relationship with Splenda or the gym in my apartment building. I've found myself many a 'mornin looking at my hot mug of life elixir saying, "I wish I knew how to quit you!?". I try to go on with life sans coffee, but the story always ends the same. Me, in closet, rocking back and forth, eyes red, hair unkempt, hoping and praying that Greg from Bruegger's Bagels shows up and hands me a hot cup of Christmas-blend coffee so that I can get it together and work on those TPS reports. He never shows up, which is probably good; my closet is way too small for Greg, me...and my frizzy hair. (Did everyone catch the Brokeback Mountain and Office Space references in this paragraph? They said it couldn't be done. But I did it.)
Anyway, I thought I would be clever this morning and make some Southern Comfort flavored coffee (I got it in a gift basket) in the little coffee maker in my office.
Here is a short list as to why this was a bad decision:
1) There isn't actually any alcohol in the coffee (bah humbug)...however, my office now smells like the floor of a frat house or perhaps what I believe the breath of Meredith from The Office would smell like if she were to switch from her preferred cocktail of vodka and hand sanitizer and branch out. Each time someone walks in my office I am wondering if they are going to come back with security and have me escorted out of the hospital.
2) This is most likely not super shocking (unless you're the one drinking it), but the coffee ended up tasting like a potpourri of stomach acid, ham and cheese hot pockets, and maple syrup.
3) I found myself drinking a nice warm glass of puke flavored caffeine-water because I live by the mantra of "waste not, want not". However, I feel that in the future I will make a caveat to this rule. The revision will read as such: "Waste puke flavored coffee, because you want not...to puke."
I thought I should share this with you all so that you don't make the same mistake I did. I tried to spray some lavender room spray, but now it just looks like I am trying to cover up the fact that I am drinking SoCo at work. At this point, there isn't much I can do, but just play along and put a lampshade on my head and hit on the delivery guy from Staples.
Hearts and Loves,