Saturday, November 6, 2010

Random Saturday....

Do you know what time it is???

This is what I look like when I try to be flirty.  I know....overwhelming awesomeness.



Let me start my random ramblings off with a short list:

1) I love making lists.  I make lists in emails to my friends.  In business emails.  And in blogs.  Lists are awesome.
2) For reasons I don't understand or want to try and figure out, I have a crush on Ron Swanson from the TV show Parks and Recreation.  Is it the stache? Is it his woodshop in which he makes harps and canoes (small bit of trivia...Nick Offerman, who plays Ron, actually makes canoes in real life.  Also, he is married to actress Megan Mullally.  Okay I'm done.)?  Could it be his affinity for guns and explosives?  How 'bout the fact that he basically doesn't work and just sits at his desk playing online scrabble with one eyebrow raised?  I don't know the answer.  All I know is that I have a crush on him.  Let the psychoanalyzing begin!
Ron Swanson love brunettes and breakfast foods.

3) I watched a documentary called Foodmatters and now I feel like I'm eating badly even when I get an organic spinach and quinoa salad from Whole Foods.  This documentary really pushes the raw food and/or vegan diet.  I watch what I eat most of the time, I love veggies and fruits, and used to think I was doing pretty well....until I watched this.  I've been much better about taking my vitamins and such since watching this, but I love steak you guys.  I don't eat steak very often, but I love it.  I'm sorry cows, but I love your cow meat.  I want to eat better, but if I can't even cook my carrots without feeling bad, then I am just going to have to say fagetaboutit to the raw food diet.  Also, while eating a Z Burger I decided that I can't be vegan. 
4) I broke up with my gym.  Yes, I did.  I've known for quite some time that it just wasn't working out (pun intended), but I just didn't have the guts to face Graham, the hottest gym manager/personal trainer that has ever existed in the history of gyms and managers.  When I walked in there I started telling myself that things weren't that bad, I could make it work, maybe I should give it some more time, maybe I am just being too picky....but then I pulled myself together and moved forward with the breakup.
Here is my conversation with the extraordinarily gorgeous and fit Swedish lady that works at the front desk of my gym:
Swedish lady: Hi! How are you today? (smiles) How can I help you?
Me: Hello! (big smile)  I'm fabulous, thank you.  (I nervously begin to tuck my hair behind my ears) I, um, well, I want to cancel my gym membership. (big smile that says, "don't hate me I'm cute")
Swedish lady: (still smiling) Oh, okay, sure.  May I ask why? (still smiling, probably because she doesn't think I have a big enough pair to face Graham.)
Me: (long pause) (sweaty hands) Yes, yes you can ask why. Ummm....(another long pause)  It's not's me.  It's just, I don't's just not working out. (I was so nervous I missed the pun)
Swedish Lady: (giggles) (she did not miss the pun)
Me: No seriously though, I'm just not feeling it, ya know. (blank stares from the Swedish lady) (long pause) (more hair tucked behind my ears) I've just decided that this gym just isn' style.  Yep. So, I'd just like to cancel...thanks.
Swedish Lady: (FINALLY not smiling anymore, however, she is definitely looking at me like I'm crazy) Okay, let me send an email to the manager.  I can't cancel your membership, he'll have to do it.
Me: (No longer smiling because I finally realized that I am going to have to face Graham after all) Oh, yeah.  That sucks. (I can be quite eloquent)
Swedish Lady: (polite smile.....that she gives non-gym members, I'm sure) Okay, so I'll let him know to call you and he'll take care of it.  Have a great night.
Me: Sweet!  ( big smile) Awesome. Great.  Thank you. Thanks. Okay, bye.
I felt great walking out of there. I did it.  I told some random Swedish lady that I've never met that it wasn't her, it's me.  It felt good.  And, as luck should have it, the manager that contacted me wasn't Graham the Hotty, it was his manager, who could potentially also be hot, but I've never seen him, so.  Now, I will join a gym that I feel more comfortable in.  I am done staying with a gym just because I should like it.   So what if you have cucumber flavored water!?  I like (filtered) tap water.  Your gym is so clean that you clean the machine while I'm still on it!???  Big whoop!   I want a gym full of loud and dangerous weight dropping, sweat covered equipment that probably only gets wiped down at the end of the day, gym employees that don't look like super models, personal trainers that don't talk to you unless you pay them to, and so many people there that no one will notice when I only do one set of biceps and then leave to go get an ice cream cone.  I like my space.  That's how I roll.

Okay!  List time is over.  I could go on, but I think I've given you all enough to ponder.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Love and Hearts and Puppies,



  1. Used to, when I grilled hamburgers, I would come back in the house when they finished cooking and yell, "Who wants some chemically altered cow carcass?" Surprisingly, everyone always ate it. Of course, my family loves cow carcass...

    This of course, is in reference to your healthy food comments - not the gym comments. That would make no sense at all.

  2. Another two reasons I'm sad we don't live closer...I love my gym and my trainer is AWESOME (and although he's good looking, he's not distractingly hot, although his name is Damon.) :) Also, we could share our love of steak more often.

  3. I thought this post was really funny.

    I too like gymn to be like ... a gym. Gimme some sweat!

  4. One way to know if your crush on Swanson is stache related is to gauge your feelings for other mustachioed stars. How do you feel about Tom Sellek? Burt Reynolds? Um..I can't think of any others. Just trying to help you sort it out.

  5. Jeremy - It's amazing what I still eat even though I know that it is mostly made up of chemicals that I can't pronounce. PS - I washed down that chemically altered cow carcass with some chemically altered Diet Coke!

    Sarah - Just thinking about having a hot personal trainer named Damon makes me want to stick to Jane Fonda workouts in the privacy of my own home. Jane Fonda can work a lycra body suit like no one else. Probably because no one else would or should ever wear one.

    David - Thank you! That's what I get for joining a gym/spa. It's more on the spa side. Also, I loved your touching post today.

    Pastor Matt - You've really given me something to think about with this one. Especially because no one since The Bandit and Magnum PI has had the guts to rock the stache, I'm going to have a tough time deciding if that is why I have an odd crush on Swanson. I think it's the stache/woodworking combo. When did Magnum PI ever make anything except really really short shorts. :)

  6. This is totally unrelated to your post, but I had to let you know that we share the same 'secret' ::snickers:: ;)

  7. Jen - :D YAY! You'll have to email me and tell me

  8. Ohmyawesome! This post was hilarious. Loved your gym story...especially because you missed the punchline.


Whatcha thinkin'?