My True Bollywood Story
I used to be one of those girls that always had a boyfriend. It all started when I was13. I went from fuzzy hair, braces, and Barbies at the age of 12, to the following year being a cheerleader, wearing makeup, and a having a boyfriend that played football. It wasn't until I was 26 years old that I finally understood that I could exist outside of decorating someone's arm.
After my last serious relationship ended four years ago, I've dated here and there, but overall this has been a time for Jesus and I. Not because that was my goal, but because God knew better than I did about what I really wanted and needed. If it had been up to me I would have gladly slipped my hand into another's instead of crawling into God's hands and letting Him redeem my life.
I'm sure glad I didn't get what I wanted back then.
God has protected my heart each time I tried to make things work with someone in my own timing and effort. My old life was such a stark contrast to this new life I now have with Jesus. I used to have guys calling me all the time, asking me out, wanting to "date" me and "hang out" with me (I think the quotes are appropriate here). That used to make me feel wanted and pretty. When I gave my life to Jesus, the calls stopped. I would be out with some girlfriends and all of them would get hit on accept me. No one was giving me lines. No one was coming after me. No one was giving me winks as they sat next to their girlfriends.
I didn't understand what was happening.
I used to get my self esteem from whether or not a guy would hit on me or come after me. When guys weren't chasing after me like they used to, at first I felt like there was something wrong with me, or that they saw in me all of the dark, awful things I always felt were there. Maybe I wasn't smart enough, maybe I wasn't pretty enough, maybe I wasn't funny enough.
I started to pray about it.
That's when Jesus showed me that all those years that guys were hitting on me and I was beating them off with a stick, it was all because they were coming after me for all the wrong reasons. They saw the weakness in me. My low self esteem was an easy target. They saw what was on the outside. They didn't see my heart. They didn't see who I am in Jesus. They didn't want to know my dreams or my hopes. They didn't care if my heart got trampled. They saw a pretty girl that they wanted to call theirs for a little while and then discard when they got bored.
But after I started hanging out with Jesus and He started showing me who I am in Him, men started to treat me differently. Without even trying or meaning to, I exude the light and innocence of God's Holy Spirit. Men that have wrong intentions stay away from the truth revealing light of God.
Once I realized what this shift meant, it made being single so much easier.
Once I realized who I am in Jesus, it made it easier to say "no" to the wrong guys.
Once I realized my worth and my true beauty, it made it easier to wait.
People kept telling me about their "friend" I should meet, or try and get me to do eHarmony. They would say to me, "Katie, you just need to get out there. Just go to happy hours or parties with your friends. You're never going to meet anyone if you have your nose buried in a book or sit in your apartment writing all day long." Their advice made sense in a way. It sounded like the right thing to do.
But God just wouldn't let me do it.
I wanted to. I even tried to. But I just couldn't. I knew deep in my heart that I wasn't going to have to try to find a man. I knew that one day as I was out faithfulling living my life for Jesus that the right guy for me would come along without my "trying" to find him, get him, chase him, get his attention, etc.
As I said in Part 1 of My True Bollywood Story, Tony and I met via our Christian blogging community. He literally came out of nowhere. I wasn't trying. He wasn't trying. God brought us together at the exact right time, and in the exact right way.