Wednesday, May 11, 2011


I don't like change.

I've never liked it.

But God doesn't really care that I don't like change. He's kept me in an almost constant state of flux over these last 5 or so years just so that I can get over my distaste for the unknown, let go of the reigns, and embrace the wild ride that is a life lived for Christ. 

I've always wanted to be one of those people that embrace change and run into the unknown with carefree abandon.  But that doesn't come naturally to me.  I've had a tough time giving up my time and space.  I like my space.  I like to do things my way.  I want to be in control at all times.  I go when I want, and I stay when I want.  My life. My rules.

But God doesn't follow my rules. My space isn't my space. It's His space.  My things aren't my things.  They are His things.  My time isn't my time.  It's His time.  My seeming control isn't mine at all.  He is the one that is in control.  My life isn't my life and my rules mean crap.

He reminds of these facts all. the. time.

Now I understand what Janis Joplin meant when she said, "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."  When we live our lives in fear of losing things or people, we are not free.   When we live our lives in fear of losing control or power, we are not free.  When we live our lives afraid of losing our lives....we are not free.   That tight grip we have on everything is using up all our energy.  Until we are willing to let go of all the things and people we cling to for comfort instead of Jesus, we will continue to exhaust ourselves.

All that being said....I am guilty of white knuckling some things in my life lately.  As each finger slowly loses it's grip and the control slips from my fingers into God's hands...I react as if someone is waterboarding me.   As I hang on by a finger, I feel as if everything is going to fall apart if I let go.  But, God whispers sweetly and softly to me that if I would only trust Him with my life and all of the things I fear...I will no longer feel like I am being slowly tortured....I will feel FREE!

My life is getting ready to change completely once again.  Every aspect.  Everything.  The next twist in this adventure will be a big one, but I wouldn't want to live life any other way!  Putting all of my trust in God releases me to freely live the adventure He has called me to live.

I feel like once again I am standing on that platform at the trapeze school.  I am leaning my full body weight out over the ground 40 feet below me, holding onto the trapeze bar with my right hand, and dangling my toes over the edge.  The only thing I have control over at this point is the bar on the platform I cling to with my left hand.  I have to decide.  Will I let go and grab the trapeze bar with my left hand and give total control to someone else, or will I refuse to let go because of fear?  If I give up control, I will be able to taste the freedom of flying through the air.  If I refuse, I will never understand what it feels like to let go and be free.  Just like I did that day at the trapeze school....I have decided to let go....

Change isn't easy, but Lord, I was born a ramblin (wo)man.



Do you look forward to change, or are you like me?  What are some freedoms you have experienced in your walk with Jesus?  Do you love the Allman Brother's as much as I do?  How about Janis Joplin?

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