Story TIME: Part 3....

Today's story is about this one time that I got baptized.

Let me start with a little history.

I didn't really grow up in church.  I mean, I went to a few VBS's and youth group lock-ins and such, and I knew the basics....Adam and Eve, Jonah and the Whale, Moses...Ben Herr, John Wayne, Cleopatra..ya know...all the Bible stories!  But my knowledge of and interest in anything to do with God was very low.  I think deep down I wished there was a God, and even deeper down than that....I knew there was a God.  I think I just always felt like if there was one....He didn't want to have anything to do with me.  I remember in high school my mom wanted my brother, Kirk, and I to get baptized.  We both totally refused.   We both took the stance of, why would we get baptized when we aren't religious?   Just so we can look like we are?  So we can go through the steps of what "good people" are supposed to do in life?  No matter how mad she got at us, we just wouldn't budge.

Fast forward to Summer 2009.

My church was having a big group baptism.  I had decided I wanted to get baptized a while before that and couldn't wait.  To me, getting baptized was just one more outward way of expressing my drastic inner change.  It was important to me that I came to that decision all by myself.  I was getting baptized, not because I "should" or it's what "good Christian's" do, but because I just felt this need to.  Kinda like when you feel hungry...you just have to eat...well, I just had to get baptized.

The week prior to the baptism everything in my life seemed to suck.  I couldn't understand why I felt so flippin' craptastic about life, but I did.  The morning of the baptism, I woke up not wanting to go at all.  So last minute, I decide.not to go.  I called up one of my friends in DC and told them I felt like hanging out with them instead.  As I was getting ready to walk out of my apartment....I did something really really weird.   I didn't even think about it..I just did it.  I walked into my bedroom and got out this gold cross necklace that my Grammy had given me as a little girl and put it on.  I hadn't worn it since I was little.  I never wear gold jewelry, so the fact that I put it on that day on my way to see a friend in DC, was totally out of character.  Then I walked out the door with all intentions of spending this beautiful summer day in DC.

When I texted my brother to tell him that I wasn't going to come, he simply replied back..."Kate, you need to get here.  Do it for yourself.  No excuses."  At first, I was so mad.  I can do what I WANT!  I had already made my big girl grown-up decision to not go.  I was already at Target buying flip flops to wear to walk around the waterfront in DC.  So, I did what any big girl grown up would do....I started crying in the juniors section of Target.  I don't just mean watery eyes....I mean, full on crying.  I know that I must have looked like a crazy person.  And you know what....I felt like a crazy person.  I felt like there was this actual tug-of-war going on inside me.  I had felt it all week long.  I felt like one minute I would be so excited about getting baptized, and then the next minute thinking of ways I wouldn't have to do it.  In hindsight, I realize that the reason it felt like a tug-of-war, was because....it really was a tug-of-war.

You see, we don't really understand or realize the spiritual implications of our physical actions.  Baptism can seem so simple.  You are going to get dunked under water.  What is so important and spiritual about that?  Why would getting baptized create some internal struggle..!??? I technically could be baptizing myself every time I get a shower if the only requirement is being immersed in water.  But what I didn't fully understand at the time is that baptism isn't just a "thing" we do.  In the spiritual realm...it does something big....HUGE even.  This isn't about dunking yourself under water, which is what the Devil would prefer you think...it's a real spiritual action in the real spiritual battle we are fighting all the time.    Sound totally crazy nuts!?  Well, faith is believing in what we can't see....and I know that there are lots of things that I can't see, but still believe in.....love, trust, gravity, free designer shoes....! 

Anywho, I was in a serious spiritual battle and I could actually feel it raging inside me.  It took some hysterical crying in Target for me to get pissed off at the whole situation enough to get myself to church as soon as possible.  I was driving like I was in the Fortune 500.  I felt like if I didn't get there immediately I was going to explode.  It was quite an odd feeling given the fact that just moments before I was totally confident in my decision to go to DC instead.

There were lots of people getting baptized that day.  I stood and waited patiently.  I still felt like I didn't really want to go, but at the same time just feeling like I would like to get it over with.  Pastor Clark would look up at me in between each person and I kept thinking that he was going to call me next, but he didn't.  It was almost near the very end.  I was starting to worry that I wasn't going to get the chance to go.  Then, Pastor Clark turned around and looked at me.  He didn't even say anything at first.  I almost couldn't meet his gaze because I felt like he was looking right through me and into my soul where the battle was raging.  I finally looked up at  him and he smiled, grabbed my hand and pull me in to him and hugged me.  My whole church was standing around watching as I burst into tears...again.  (I would be a big huge liar if I said that was the only time that my church saw me crying.) Pastor Clark just hugged me for awhile as I let it all out.  These weren't tears because of just a frustrating week.  These were tears that had been pent up inside me for a long long time.  What I realized that day was that giving myself to God was more important to me than anything I would ever do in all my life.  The realization was overwhelming.  I started shaking even before I got into the water.

I climbed into the freezing cold water.  I looked out at my church family.  Some of them were crying with me or for me, I couldn't be sure.  When Pastor Clark asked me if I had anything I wanted to say before we got started I said yes.  With tears streaming down my cheeks, I raised my hands up to God and I told Him that I was sorry that I almost didn't come.  I confessed to everyone that I had been having a hard time lately, but that today was more important than my wedding day, and I was so happy that I didn't run away.  I told them that this is the day that I say my vows to God. I say "I do" to whatever He wants me to do with my life.  I will love, honor, and cherish Him.  I will forsake all others before Him.  I will come up out of this water a brand new woman in every way.  All the pain, all the sadness, all the hard times, all of the negativity that was in my life would all be washed away and replaced with God's Holy Spirit.  Then Pastor Clark and Pastor Andy baptized me.

I kid you not, when I  tell you that I came up out of the water and felt completely and totally different.  And I have ever since.  No joke.  The tears were replaced with the goofiest smile I had ever seen.  I felt like I could fly I was so light.  I knew then that it wasn't just about a representation of my inner change....it was a for real change.  It was a real cleansing of my spirit....not a representation of one.  I honored God's call and He honored His promise of washing me clean and making me new.  And that wasn't even the craziest part.

So, after I got home I realized that I was wearing that gold cross necklace that I had put on earlier that morning.  When I called my parents to tell them about the baptism I also mentioned that I was wearing the necklace that my Grammy had given me.  My mom had forgotten about that necklace and asked me if it was the same one that my Pap Pap had given her.  I didn't know, so I called my Grammy.  I told her about my baptism and she was so happy.  Then I told her that I was wearing the gold cross she had given me as a little girl and she didn't speak for a second.  She asked me to hold on.  When she gets back on the phone she was laughing so hard.  I asked her what she was laughing at.  She told me that she had totally forgotten that she had given me that necklace and thought that she still had it.  My Pap Pap  had given that necklace to my Grammy when she was 17...before they even really dated.  That same year, my Grammy wore that very same necklace when she got baptized.  WHOA!!!!  I couldn't believe it.  I sat there with my mouth hanging open.  First of all.....I didn't know the necklace was a gift from my grandfather. Second, I had no clue she had worn it during her baptism....I didn't even know she had ever been baptized.  And third, I couldn't believe that after all those years sitting in my jewelry box, that I would put it on the day of my baptism.  Explain that people!  It's just too crazy too explain.

God is so amazing. 

Love,

Katie

False Alarms....

I never thought I would say this, but....Thank you, David Bowie.  Thank you for showing me the truth about how evil has no power over good, even when we think it does. Thank you for reminding me that when I am on the right path, things and people will try and distract me and keep me from moving in the right direction.  Thank you for showing me how attractive bad things can seem to us sometimes....even if those bad things are super hot...and wearing pants so tight they would make a Urologist blush. 

What the heck am I talking about, you ask?!  I'm talking about the movie The Labyrinth.  If you've never seen it, watch it as soon as possible.  Seriously, go home early from work.  Claim H1N1, explosive diarrhea, typhoid fever, leprosy, whatever it takes....and watch the heck out of this movie.  It's. that. good.

So, I got home from work the other day and decided to take a break from all of the responsible grown up stuff I am usually doing to get on Facebook (eye roll). I decided I wanted to change my status update, but I wanted to find something that really fit my current feelings/situation.  I won't reveal my secret to always finding some clever quote or movie line, but I will say it rhymes with Smoogle.  Anywho, for some unknown reason I Smoogle The Labyrinth.  I hadn't seen this movie since I was a kid and watched it with my BFF Harmony.  I have no clue why it came to mind at that moment, but I Smoogled it none-the-less.  I searched to find the perfect movie quote to fit my situation...and low and behold...I found it!  God lead me right to it....isn't He amazing:

"Ah,don't pay any attention to them. They're just False Alarms. You get a lot of them in the Labyrinth, especially when you're on the right track." -Hoggle

Read it again.  Think on it. Soak it up. Overwhelmed with realization, yet? Ok, you may proceed....

After I read this, I was so in shock about how very true it was...in my current situation and otherwise.  So, I Netflixed that bad boy and watched it on my computer right then and there.  Any movie produced by George Lucas, with Jim Henson's puppets, Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows, and David Bowie being sexy times ten is the movie for me.  Oh and I suppose the message of the movie is important too.  I didn't expect it to make such a profound impact on my life.  I mean, David Bowie's tight pants would make an impact on anybodies life, but once you get past that....there really is an awesome message. (Okay, I have officially reached my "David Bowie's Tight Pants" statement quota...from here on out, I'll keep it strictly business.)

I love David Bowie's Tight Pants.

OOooops!

I guess I'll have to extend the quota.

Anyway, back to the life changing message of this movie.

Many times in life, we find ourselves at a crossroads.  We know that from this point, no matter what we do, our lives are going to change in some capacity.  We can choose to go straight, left, right, stay where we are, or...go back the way we came.  Finding ourselves in this position can be very stressful and scary, but without change, we would still be burbling babies depending on others for every facet of our lives.  Doesn't it seem like just as you are about to get comfortable...you find yourself at yet another crossroads? What's UP with that!?

Ok.....Picture yourself standing at a crossroads.

You look to the left and you see a nice quiet suburban street.  There are big houses that all look the same.  There are nice cars in the driveways.  You don't see any kids playing outside or people out on their porches...you think to yourself, "Hmm, maybe everyone is lost in their big houses and can't find their way out."

You look to the right and you see this busy city street.  Horns honking, tall buildings with lots of lights, people everywhere.  You can smell the hot pretzels from the vendor on the corner.  It looks busy, but exciting!

You look behind you and see your old bedroom from when you were a kid.  You see your teddy bear, your toys, your bed..your Nintendo (heck yeah!).  It all looks so comfortable.  You wish you could climb in your bed, but you don't fit anymore...it's too small.  You can smell your mom's cooking wafting in from the kitchen.

Then you look at your feet where you are standing.  You realize that you have been standing for awhile and that you are starting to get tired and your legs are getting stiff.  You can't sit down because the road is too dirty, and you can't keep standing in one spot because your legs are tired.

Then you look at the road straight ahead.  It's more of a trail, actually.  It's hard to tell where the trail even begins because it is so grown over with trees and such.  It looks like the trail goes up a hill and zigs and zags left and right.  You think to yourself, "Dude...that's looks hard.  If I take this road...I mean trail..., how will I know where I'm going, what if I get lost, what if it's...gulp...dangerous??"  Then you look down to find that you have hiking boots on, a backpack full of food, a map, and flashlight.  It's almost as if you have been prepared to take this road the whole time.  Hiking boots would look silly in the big city or in the quiet neighborhood.  You decide that you now know what you must do.  As you move closer to the entrance to the trail, you see a sign marked "The Road Less Traveled".  Now you understand why it is so overgrown...because not many people head that direction. It's less developed.  It's less tame.  It's less predictable.  You take the first step into the unknown.  You feel scared.  You feel like you're not ready.  You feel like you aren't going to be able to hack it in the wilderness.  But something bigger than you...something that lives in your heart...tells you to move forward and that you will be protected.

So you go.

I'm gonna be honest with you...you guys are smart so I am sure you already know this...but, we are given this opportunity all the time in life.  Every day.  And you know what...we are supposed to always keep our eyes peeled for the sign that says, "Road Less Traveled"...and then go that way.  I'm sorry if that ruined your day, but it's true.  Sometimes you will find yourself alone on this journey, but many times you will find other imperfect adventurers to travel alongside you.

Do you want to know why this "Road Less Traveled" is less...um...traveled?  It's because it's flippin' HARD.  There are going to be things that come up along this road that try and scare you away from your final destination.  Our lives are a labyrinth.  We live in a labyrinth.  We are constantly having to choose which way to go.  We can see our goal in the distance, and we find ourselves frustrated because either our decisions take us farther away from where we want and need to be, or things pop up that confuse us and make us doubt ourselves.  We go the wrong way sometimes even with the very best of intentions...such is life, ya'll.  All you can do is your best. 

If God has told you which direction to go...go that direction no matter what pops up to derail you.  In fact, that is usually how you can tell you are on the right track.  The Road Less Traveled is booby-trapped the closer you get to where you need to go.  Just like in the Labyrinth...Jareth (David Bowie's character) is the Goblin King (aka..the bad guy) and he wants Sarah (Jennifer Connelly and her eyebrows) to be with him.  She says out loud one night that she wishes the King of the Goblins would take her crying baby brother away because she is annoyed...AND she thinks that he is just a fictional character in her favorite book.  Never in a million years would she ever have imagined that he was not only real, but that he could hear her, and would do as she requested.  He took her baby brother, and told her that he did as she asked because he loved her.  She demanded her baby brother back, but Jareth promised her that if she made it through the labyrinth he would give her brother back.  Jareth wanted nothing more than to be able to take from Sarah what she loved, even though she thought she didn't care, and make her forget that it ever happened.  He wanted her to go back to her room and play with her toys instead of take on the huge task of winning her annoying baby brother back.

It's just like with us.  The Devil would love for us to think he isn't real and is just some character in a story book.  (Check out C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters...amazing book.)  I am sure that some of you think I'm a super freak weirdo for believing in the Devil, but all I have to do is look around me...and at me...to know that there is evil at work.  I guess this is a part of taking the Road Less Traveled...you have to say things to people and they might think you are crazy.  But,  I don't take it lightly.  I know that I am being watched...even hunted.  I am constantly seeing that little red dot of the scope on me.  I am in the cross-hairs.  I would rather look like a freak and live, then believe the lie and die. 

The Devil is in the business of making false, attractive promises that only lead to emptiness and despair.  It may seem like you are getting what you want, but there is always a catch.  In the movie, the very attractive (have I mentioned that yet....David Bowie? The hotness!?) Jareth takes Sarah's baby brother because she asks him to in a moment of selfishness...and the consequence to her request is that she now has to fight to get back what she realized later matters most to her.  As you go down the Road Less Traveled, be aware that you are being hunted and watched. That is scary, I know....hard to believe...sure is.....but it's better to be aware than to not be prepared to fight to stay on your course.  The closer you get to God, the more you will be under attack.  Do I sound like a total nutcase!? I'm sure I do.  If you can't believe in a God that loves you and wants to save you, then I suppose it is hard to believe in a devil that would want to take your life and soul from you.  It all seems like a storybook, but I think all you have to do is take an honest look at your life and look deep into your heart to know that there is more than meets the eye to this world we are living in. Maybe...just maybe...the storybooks and movies are a more accurate portrayal of what's actually going on than what we can see with our eyes. 

BUT, here is the good news.  THE BEST NEWS, actually.  God is shouting this from the mountaintops, but we have to keep reminding ourselves this very very important truth.....Evil has NO POWER OVER US!!  Jesus kicked evil's sorry BUTT.  Done and done.  The devil belongs under our feet at all times.  And you are more than welcome to tell him that...sometimes he needs a reminder.

Just as Sarah says to Jareth, "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen, for my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great — You have no power over me."

I get chills just reading that. 

Our kingdom is greater.  Our will is greater.  Our hearts are greater.  Our GOD is greater.  Don't believe the lie. I would rather look crazy and sound weird and save myself, than to do what everybody else is doing and look cool while my soul shrivels up.  Ew.  So, if you would like a travel buddy on the Road Less Traveled...I'll be happy to join you.  Just know that I tend to get blisters, hate to pee in the woods, and complain when I'm cold, hot, hungry, full, tired....but...I have an excellent sense of direction.  I know where I am supposed to be headed.  : )  God is always there for us.  He will always always always provide a way out.  We are never stuck.  So...let's get going...you and me....let's go down the road and see what we see.

I hope we see David Bowie in tight pants! (OK, quota officially reached.)

LOVES,

Road Less Traveled Traveler

                                                       

                                                                                               
         
                                                                                                            

StOrY TiMe PArT 2

Welcome back!  Thank you for joining me again for Story Time.  Please...make yourself comfy.  Would you like some tea?  Coffee perhaps? 

My second story is about this one time I lied.  (I mean, my pants were on fire with this one.)

This one represents my penchant for lying as a child (I've grown out of it....I swear! wink).  My mom LOVES to tell this story about me to anyone and everyone.  I'm not quite sure why she likes to tell stories about how well I lied as a kid (and teenager).  I'm hoping it's because it shows what a creative and innovative child I was and not as a warning to all that come near to hook me up to a polygraph...just to be safe. I can't blame her for telling these stories really, I mean, I was and am quite an interesting little lady to know.  I'm never boring that's for sure!  So here goes....still sure you don't want that coffee?

I was in the second grade and was going to school at Union Elementary.  I had gone to nursery school at Island Nursery.  Kindergarten at Academy Primary.  And first grade at East Main Street School.  That's a lot of school hoppin' for such a young little thing.  (I tell you this because I think that it explains the lying).  So one day I was at the back of Mrs. Oldaker's classroom washing my hands in the sink after we had just made stone soup (Do you guys remember that book....it's the book about how some hungry traveler's trick a starving town into giving them food to make soup by telling them it is stone soup?  It's a book about cooperation even in times when everyone has very little to give.)  While I was washing my hands, Mrs. Oldaker asks me the simplest of all questions...a no-brainer....., "Katie, how's your brother?".  

I can't for the life of me explain why I answered what I answered.  It was a simple question.  I have one brother.  His name is Kirk.  He, I am sure, was doing quite well.  A simple, "good" would have sufficed as an answer.  I am sure that is, in fact, the answer that she was looking for. 

However, this was my reply, "Which brother?". 

Had I actually been facing Mrs. Oldaker and looking into her kind,caring, and HONEST eyes, I might have seen the look of confusion pass over her face.  Maybe that look would have been enough for me to say, "Just kidding!  I only have one brother....ha ha ha! Gotcha!  Kirk is fine!  Wasn't that fun for a second there!?".

But with my little lying back turned to Mrs. Oldaker I continue on.  She asks, "Well, Katie, you only have one brother.  That's the one I'm asking about."

I reply, "Um, no, I have another brother."

"Really!? And how come I've never met him?" she says knowing that I don't have another brother.

"His names Brian.  He's in the Army."

Let me stop for a second and just highlight the fact that if I did in fact have a brother in the Army then my mom would have had to have had him when she was 10 or 11.  Save the West Virginia jokes and believe me....that was not at all the case.  My mom had me when she was 30 and my brother when she was 33.  Plus, I grew up in a small town. And it was especially small when I was in first grade (no I-79...we still took RT 20 to the mall....yeah!).  So every single person in that town knew that Sharon and Randy McNemar only had two kids. Heck, I don't even think you had to live in Buckhannon to know that fact. I think it was probably on the exit sign for Main Street in Buckhannon.  "Welcome to Buckhannon, WV!  Sharon and Randy McNemar only have two kids!"

Anyway, back to the story.

I'll try and make a long story short by telling you that the Brian dialogue went on for quite some time.  I can't remember exactly how long, but I know it was long enough that I started to panic. Mrs. Oldaker seemed a little too interested in my brother, Brian.  The whole point of the lie was so that I could get some flippin' attention, but now BRIAN is getting all of it and quite frankly, it was very bothersome.  At one point I realized that I had spun this web so tight that I was going to need some allies to protect it.  So, one night, as I am in the bathtub with my poor, innocent little brother Kirk,  who all of 4 or 5 years old..I said this, "Brian's coming in soon."

Kirk, obviously confused, was like, "who's Brian?".

"Um, our older brother of course!  Don't you remember him?  He's the guy that is always at Christmas at Grandma's house.  He's in the Army and is coming in soon."


Poor Kirk....sticking to his feeble little guns said, "Katie...that's our cousin Rusty that's at Grandma's for Christmas.  He's not in the army."

But I wouldn't relent.  I kept going until I was finally able to convince my own little brother that we did in fact have an older brother named Brian.  I was so desperate to save my own hide, that I didn't even let his little worried eyes stop me.  There was too much inertia.  Too much at stake.  At times of war....sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

BUT.....Here is where it all came crashing down. 

Parent/Teacher Conference (dun dun duuuunnn) rolled around, and I was in the classroom with the other kids while my mom was meeting with Mrs. Oldaker and the principal, Mr. Wager (who, by the way, is a close family friend of the McNemar clan). I'm coloring a picture...happy...not knowing that my mom was just about to take a machete to my spider web of lies.

Afterward, my Mom comes to pick me up.  As we are walking out to the car she is calmly telling me how nice it was to meet with my teachers and that they said I am doing well and making good grades..then she says without breaking her stride, "I can't wait until Brian comes in so we can tell him how great you're doing!".

My blood freezes.

Did she just say what I thought she said!?  

My first thought was....good thing I have Kirk on my side.  When Mom and I get home, Kirk and I will be able to try and refresh my mom's memory so she can recall the time that she gave birth when she was 10.  We would tell her that we understood why she didn't remember such a traumatic experience but that we love Brian none-the-less and can't wait to wrap our loving arms around him and welcome him home from...wherever people go when they're in the Army.

In response, my weak little voice squeaks out, "Yeah, he'll be...so...proud."

I am pretty sure my mom was enjoying this moment despite the shock of finding out that her first grader was not only a pathological liar, but wouldn't relent even when faced with the truth.  She continues on by calmly saying, "Yeah, I really miss Brian.  It's been so long since I've seen him.  I can barely remember what he looks like.  It's almost like he doesn't exist!"

I turn to look at her and that is when the tirade begins.  "Kathryn Lynn, how COULD you lie to your teachers all this time!!??? HOW!!????  Did you think that they wouldn't know that we only have two kids...these people KNOW ME, Katie.  They have for YEARS!  I can't believe that you did this.  How EMBARRASSING!"

But you know what, God love me, I pulled out my last card.  I actually tried to convince my own mother that she had another child.  I said, "But MOM, Kirk is the one that said we have a brother. ASK HIM!  I mean, WHO is that guy that is ALWAYS at Grandma's for Christmas?!  The one that always plays Army with Kirk? I swear, I thought that was my brother and his name was BRIAN!!!"

"KATIE MCNEMAR!  That is your cousin RUSTY and you know it!!!  And don't even TELL me that you got your poor little brother involved in this...DON'T. EVEN. TELL ME!"

All my cards were down.  And I had lost.  Game over.  I got in big big trouble (understatement) for lying and was given the task of deprogramming my little 4 year-old-brother so that he could go back to living his happy life not worrying about long lost family members randomly showing up at Holiday functions.


So, there you go.  Now you know.  Maybe instead of telling the story to everyone, my mom can now just send out a mass email with a link to this blog!? 

Loves,

Liar Liar Pee Pants on Fire

Story TIME!

One of my very favorite things to do is sit around with my friends and tell stories.  Sometimes I even let them tell some too! ; ) Anyone that has ever been my friend or spent time with me knows that I have a story for everything.

So many crazy, weird, funny, scary things have happened to me in my life and I feel it is my duty to share these experiences...with anyone and everyone that will listen. : )  I have decided to tell some of my stories on here. I am hoping not to incriminate too many people....maybe I'll change names to protect the (not) innocent.  I don't really have a plan...just write 'em as they come to me.  ENJOY!  (PS - If you have some stories you want to share about me, or about yourself...please send them my way and I'll post them.)

My first story is about this one time I peed my pants.

This used to be my brother's favorite story to tell about me.  He would tell this story to every guy that came within 10 feet of me.  He loved to embarrass me.  Kirk isn't a superstitious person, but as the year's went by and each guy that he told the story too ended up not working out...he stopped telling the story.  He now refuses to tell it even when I ask him too. So here goes...

I grew up mostly with boys.  I had my brother Kirk, my cousins Bronson, Bryn, and Rusty, and then all their friends.  Poor Heather and I were the only girls so we ended up playing army more than we played Barbies.   In the summer when we didn't have school, we stayed with my Grammy (my dad's mom....aka Absorbine Jr. Queen), while our parent's were at work.  Anyway, one summer day, Kirk, Bronson, and Bryn and I were at my Grammy's house playing cops and robbers.  I was the oldest, at the ripe old age of 12, followed by Bronson..age 11, Kirk...age 9, Bryn....age 7.  My Grammy had a gazebo and a playhouse in her back yard and that is where we spend most of our time.  During this particularly rousing game of cops and robbers, complete with fake guns and real handcuffs, I was the robber.  They had me cornered.  The only place I could run was the playhouse.  I knew it was a bad move and that I would get caught, but in my mind I thought, well...if they are going to arrest me anyway...they might as well have to climb to get to me!  Here we all are....up 10 or so feet in the air in our playhouse.  Of course, the gazebo was the jailhouse and was located on the opposite side of the yard, so they had to transport the prisoner ( a prisoner that had to pee). Bronson knew I was wily and slick, so he cuffed me to himself so I wouldn't be able to run.  It took us longer than it should have to realize that we weren't going to be able to climb out of the playhouse while we were handcuffed to each other.  However, we had left the keys to the handcuffs in the gazebo and Kirk and Bryn refused to leave the playhouse to get them for us.  I begged them, telling them that I had to pee so bad and that Bronson and I couldn't get down without their help.  They just laughed and laughed. So, Bronson and I devised a plan.  I would go first and start climbing down the ladder with my cuffed armed raised up and he would hold his arm over the side.  Once, I got down far enough and had a good grip, he could swing himself down and all would be well. I start climbing down and Bronson has his cuffed arm hanging over the edge. Kirk and Bryn are watching with smug looks on their faces.  I started to make some progress when my feet lost their grip........and I fell. Many things happened all at once. 1)Bronson's cuffed wrist is the only thing keeping me from falling to the ground.  2) My whole body weight is on his poor little wrist.  3) Bronson starts screaming like a girl from all the pain. 4) I look up at his horrified, pain ridden face and I start laughing hysterically. 5) Hanging from Bronson's poor little wrist....I start peeing.  The pee is just flowin'. It's running down my leg and into the grass.  I can't stop laughing.  The more Bronson screams....the harder I laugh and the more I pee. Kirk and Bryn are having a field day with this.  Finally, Bronson can't take it anymore and he jumps 10 feet off the top of the ladder and we both thud onto the ground...and into my pee.  He is SO mad. He is still screaming and now he's crying.  I am still laughing.  My Grammy hears the commotion and comes outside.  Kirk and Bryn quickly catch her up on the situation.  I get yelled at because I am the oldest and am supposed to know how to act.  Instead of being a good example, I am a hysterical laugher and a pants pee-er. The laughing stops when my Grammy refuses to let me into the house.  Instead, she takes me, still in my pee pants, into the front yard which is located on a main and busy road in Buckhannon and commences to hose me down.  My friends are driving by.  People are gawking.  It's horrible.  After being hosed down I am now allowed into the basement where I am given my grandmother's clothes to wear for the rest of the day.  No one wanted to play with me after all that craziness, so I sat in my Grammy's clothes and sulked until my mom came to get me.  When told the story, my mom only says, "Kaaaaaatieeeeee" in that "i'm dissappointed in you" voice.

One year later.  I'm 13.  I'm sitting on the bus with my first kinda bus-boyfriend.  The older kids got to sit in the back.  So I am in the back of the bus.  My brother, who is 3 years younger, climbed under all the seats just to get back to where I was so he could tell Billy (who was 2 years older than me...15! whoa!) that just last year I peed my pants.  He tells Billy all the sordid details of my pants peeing fiasco.  After that day, Kirk told every guy that story. Luckily, Kirk can no longer hold the pee pants story over me...I tell it proudly.  If peein' your pants is cool...then consider me Miles Davis!  It's been 17 years since that fateful day.  I'm 29 now.  But I can't promise if put in the same situation that I wouldn't do it again.


Loves,

Ms. Katie Pee Pants

25 Random Things About Me....

1) I love washing and drying my clothes, but I hate putting my clothes away.  So much so that I usually just don't.  I live alone, and I'm not offended by piles of clothes, so...!  (My Dad is getting ready to call me right now and have a nice chat with me about how young ladies always keep their places neat and tidy.)

2) I love Indian and Afghan food.  LOVE it.  I could eat it every day and never get bored.  I might get larger, but never bored.

3) I still have two baby teeth.  My two bottom first molars.  No big girl teeth ever grew in under them, so I got to keep them!  And the "toothfairy" got to keep two silver dollars.

4) I have a scar on my left lower lip from when I fell doing cartwheels as a kid.  I was five. I'll never forget it.  My front tooth broke off into my lip and my dad didn't know what to do.  By the time my mom got involved it was too late to get stitches.  I like my scar.

5) Sometimes my lip scar aches when it is cold outside or about to rain.

6) My Grammy's (dad's mom) cure all for any ailment or injury of any kind whatsoever...was Absorbine Jr (a topical medication for muscle aches and pains).  You scratched your knee...Absorbine Jr.  You have an infected hangnail.....Absorbine Jr.  Bug bite.....Absorbine Jr.  Broke your leg....Absorbine Jr.  And believe me when I tell you that it burned like boiling hot magma.  My cousins and I were careful never to get hurt...or at least stay in shape so we could out run Grammy when we did get hurt. LOL! I remember being hurt so bad that I could barely walk but I held it together in front of Grammy so she wouldn't attack my fresh wounds with her liquid fire.

7) Speaking of topical medication...I am surprised that I didn't get the nickname Vick's when I was a kid.  If I sniffled at all my mom would cover my whole body (slight exaggeration) with Vick's.  I used to have chronic sinus infections and severe allergies.

8) I taught aerobics as a youth camp counselor when I was 19.

9) I still count on my fingers.

10) I had to take remedial math TWICE in college before I could even take the 101 class.  Don't even get me started on Statistics....

11) In order to pass Statistics class I waited until I could take Mr. Dixon...he would give you a C just for showing up for every class.  I got a C.

12) I love to sing.  One of the best times of my whole life was getting to sing in front of my church....and people liked it.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.

13) 13 is my lucky number.  I was born on January 13th and I like to take things that people think are unlucky and make them lucky.

14) I love animals, but I don't have any. 

15) Fart jokes will always be funny to me for the rest of my life.  Even when I am cleaning 20 disgusting diapers a day...I will find poop hilarious. I just know it.

16)  I don't like big groups of people or really crowded places.  Not because it's makes me nervous, but because it makes it hard for me to get any attention.  And that just isn't acceptable. 

17) I still have a WV drivers license even though I haven't lived there in over 3 years.

18) It's the best driver's license picture I've ever taken.  Heck, it may be the best picture I've ever taken PERIOD.

19) I think about things WAY too much.  I should have an honorary Doctorate in Deduction and (over)Analysis.

20) I should also have a degree in Commitment Avoidance.

21) I could speak in only movie quotes for the rest of my life.

22) I spontaneously slip into an awful British accent for no reason whatsoever.

23) Other than the fact that British accents are awesome!

24) I like turkey jerky

25) Getting to know God and having God in my life is the by far the best thing I ever did and ever will do. Hands down.  I can't even put it into words. 

Well, I hope you found this interesting.  If you ever want to know anything else about me...just ask.  I am always ready and willing to share way too much information about myself.

LOVES,

Vick's

Sweet Dreams Till Sunbeams Find You...

I had one of those dreams where you're flying!!!!! Don't you LOVE those dreams!?

Here's the dream:

It's morning and I'm in an apartment that looks similar to my actual apartment, but slightly bigger. Everything in my apartment is in different shades of white and ivory. The sun's light is bright outside my window, and I know that I am supposed to already be up and at work, but I feel so super cozy laying in my bed. You know, that cozy feeling where you feel as if you and the bed are one entity and your surrounded by clouds and fairies have sprinkled sleepy dust in your eyes?! As I roll over I see this little jack russell puppy dog laying beside me in my bed. He is so cute! He's looking at me with his head cocked to one side. He looks happy. I feel like I have been sleeping forever. Then I think, oh my gosh, this poor little puppy probably has to pee! So I slowly get myself out of bed. I feel so funny when I walk....it's almost like I'm on the moon or something. I feel like I have vertigo, but a super peaceful and wonderful vertigo. Then I think to myself, "Hmm, I feel as light as a feather. I feel like my feet aren't even touching the ground." As I think this my feet start to lift off the ground. Then I think to myself..."Hmm, I bet I could fly if I wanted to. Yeah. Yeah, I wanna fly. I think I will." As I think this my legs slowly raise up behind me and my arms slowly open up at my sides. I am hovering in my kitchen feeling totally at peace, totally free, totally weightless....

I remember having a dream about flying around my house when I was a kid. I loved that feeling so much. Just to feel so free and unburdened. To fly up above it all.

All this ship talking has really impacted my life in such a deep way (nautical pun!). When I wrote about releasing another huge anchor from my ship...aka releasing another burden from my life that was holding me back....I don't think I truly understood what I was dealing with...until last night. I can't really tell you the whole story, but suffice it to say...some major major stuff got dealt with in a major dealing with major stuff way. A few days ago, I started chopping loose "the anchor" the biggest, heaviest, and most historical anchor, but I only saw the anchor chain on the surface...so when I started asked God to help me release it...I had no idea it was the mother and father of all my anchors put together. This particular anchor was the original burden. It's origin is from my earliest memories and it's ultimate release from my life was yesterday...February 16th, 2010. I didn't expect this. It totally came out of nowhere. This anchor was the cause that made me run out and buy up all the other anchors in my life. What I didn't quite get until last night is that I can chop loose all the other anchors and leave them in the murky depths and inch forward away from the shore bit by bit. But until I was ready, willing, and able to let "the anchor" loose....I was still going to remain tied to the shore in some capacity. I was confused because I knew I could finally set sail and leave the shore. But last night I realized that I could only go so far. The shoreline would remain like a ghost behind me. This anchor had a long long chain. Over the years, many links were added to extend it's reach...but I never let it go.

I look at myself today, and I am ready to finally think about what I want. Live my own life. I'm not tied to the shore anymore. The world is mine! It's scary as hell, but God has brought here at this time in my life because He has prepared me. I have a nice shiny new Captain's hat...oh, and boat shoes too...gotta have the shoes! Since I was a little girl I always felt that I wasn't good enough, and I treated myself as such in worst possible ways. But now I know that I am good enough. I see myself for who I really am. I am not mad or angry that I had this anchor holding me back, and I'm not angry or hurt anymore by the people. God's plan is perfect. At the time I was living in all the chaos, all I had inside me was emptiness, sadness, hurt, anger, pain....but coming out the other side and looking down on my experience as if I am flying over it, I see that from Heaven all the chaos forms a beautiful garden. My heart is so full of forgiveness and love. If all of these hard times hadn't happened, then I wouldn't be who I am today. I see now how God has orchestrated it all so beautifully. He has taken something totally destructive and turned into a healing and growing experience, not just for me...but for all the people involved. Thank you, GOD! Oh, and God, would you mind to let the dog out?....I'm going to do a little more flying....!

Love,

Katie....for real this time.

Batten Down the Hatches....

Men of sense often learn from their enemies. It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of building high walls and ships of war. - Aristophanes

"Batten down the hatches..."

Meaning:

Prepare for trouble.

Origin:

Climate change is providing plenty of opportunity to reinforce our property against bad weather. The securing of property, especially the covering with protective sheeting, is called 'battening down'. That's not how the phrase originated, although it's not far away in terms of meaning. It has a nautical origin and 'battening down' was done on ships when bad weather was expected.

The earliest known citation is from John Badcock, in Domestic Amusements, 1823 (referring to a sea voyage):

"The severity of the climate having compelled them to batten down and caulk their abiding place."

A batten is a strip of wood. Caulking is the filling of gaps with oakum of similar, to prevent leaking. That's 'battening down' in a general sense. The first citation of the explicit use of the phrase 'batten down the hatches' is from the 1883 Chambers Journal.

For the life of me, I can't stop thinking about ships. I don't even know that much about ships, or sailing, or plank walking, and other such nautical delights. But I do know God...and He has been showing me some awesome stuff. I keep envisioning myself on a wooden ship...I'm at the helm (that sea folk talk for the steering mechanism)...out before me is a big wide blue ocean and at the horizon there are beautiful oranges, reds, purples, and yellows. The warm, salty breeze is blowing through my hair and I feel confident and blissful. I've thought a lot about what it means to be a ship. Instead of taking this analogy in the direction of....I need a trusty "crew" to keep my ship going...I feel like God is telling me that instead of thinking about adding "people" to my ship...what I need..is a fleet.

Each fleet is made up of individual, self-maintained vessels. We travel together and help each other along our voyage, but overall...we run our own ships. We have our own "crew", but not of people...I don't really even know how to represent that with words, but it's kinda like our bodies...we don't have other people inside our bodies working to keep us alive...we are self-maintained vessels with blood cells and such as our "crew". I think that sometimes we think that we need people aboard our ships in order to keep going, but really, all that shipless people do is weigh us down...basically, they need to get their ship together...lol.

Each individual ship is made up of different materials and has different shapes and sails. They also all have their own "job" or "purpose" within the fleet.

The less cargo or baggage that each ship carries, the faster the ship will move forward. When you leave a ship docked in shallow waters, they tend to get barnacles. We have all heard of barnacles before, but take a look at this definition:

Barnacles are encrusters, attaching themselves permanently to a hard substrate. Barnacles are exclusively marine, and tend to live in shallow and tidal waters, typically in erosive settings.

Do you know of any encrusters in your life? Have you spent too much time in an erosive setting and now you have some clingers on? Those pesky little encrusters attach themselves to an already established vessel and don't let go until you scrape them off. A ship that is moving forward into deeper seas doesn't get barnacles. Hmmm...makes ya think doesn't it!? We've all had our fair share of hard to remove crustaceans. The more barnacles, cargo, baggage, and shipless seafarers you take on to your vessel..the slower you will be able to move forward.

You know what else keeps us from moving forward? Those dag-on anchors. Why does such a small ship need so many anchors!? One anchor would probably suffice, but for some reason I have weighed my little vessel down with multiple anchors. I feel like I have gotten rid of so many things that kept me from moving forward in my life...but this last one...phew!..it was a doosey! It's funny...when I was envisioning myself lifting my last oppressive anchor...I had this thought come across my mind. I was like...Wait a minute....why am a bringing this anchor on board my ship!? Hell to the No! I'm not just gonna raise this anchor off the sea floor, where it's been draggin' for years....I'm gonna cut it loose from my ship completely so that it never stops me from moving forward again!!!! I really wish you all could see this visual I have of myself taking and ax and chopping those huge metal chains. I have this huge smile on my face, a crazed look in my eye, and a look of pride, confidence, and utter defiance on my face. It took me way too long to cut this one loose and I'll be a monkey's uncle if I ever let it stop me again. (I kinda feel like Scarlet O'Hara when everything around her is crazy and she vows to never go hungry again...weird...i know.)

Does it sound scary to be a ship without any anchors!? Um, yeah...totally. But here's the deal...God doesn't want us to dock somewhere and grow barnacles and pick up hangers on. We may the captain of our own ships, and have free will to head wherever we want...but we are to be always moving...never stopping...always heading toward the course we've chosen...never giving up on our hot pursuit of God. The ocean of life is vast and wide with many obstacles and dangers. We are always at risk of wrecking and sinking, but if you choose God as your compass and your map...you will always be steering in the right direction. (I just started singing that Carrie Underwood song "Jesus take the wheel" in my head...love that song.)

We need a freakin' armada in order to keep ourselves on the right course. If one ship starts to turn around and go back...the other ships are there to either block their way or gently guide them back on course. Our little ships have been through so much. We have been tempest tossed and almost capsized, we have been threatened by pirates trying to steal the treasures we have stowed away in the deepest chambers of our ship, we have taken on crew members when we already had a full ship, we have had to do some barnacle removing that would impress even the most seasoned of mean old lady Russian bikini waxers, BUT we are not alone. We are leading the way...but if we look over the stern...we will see our fleet.

Love,

This is your Captain speaking....Katie





But holding on to you means letting go of pain Means letting go of tears Means letting go of the rain Holding on to you Means letting sorrows heal Means letting go of what's not real Holding on to you Holding On To You - Terrence Trent D'Arby

This Ship Has Sailed.....

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

- Grace Hopper

I think I thought if I always did what felt safe....what I already knew....then I would be able to protect myself from the hardships, hurts, and pains of this world. I was wrong. Keeping myself from living my own life brought more pain than I could have imagined....to me, and to others. Slowly, as I have gotten closer to God over these last five or so years of my life, I have been able to release my sails, and pick up the anchors that were keeping me in one spot. Instead of feeling the breeze of the open waters and forging into uncertain waters...I was decaying. Instead of going wherever the wind takes me....I was anchored to false thoughts, false images of myself, and false people. I've come so far over the years. I've done things I could never imagine I would ever do. Finally....My ship has sailed. As I look to the horizon, I may not know where I am going and who I will meet along my voyage...but I have faith that as I lift each anchor...God will guide me to where I need to be. It's scary to be sailing full bore into the unknown dark and uncertain waters...but if I don't lift the anchors that drag along the ocean floor....I'm going to wreck myself. I will sink. So today, I lift another anchor and know that even though I am the captain of my own ship, my course is forever set toward God. And any if any ye scurvy seabags have a problem with that...ye can walk the plank! : )

Love,

Captain Ron...I mean, Katie

My Bollywood Moment...Valentine's Edition

What would a perfect Bollywood movie be without an antagonist and a tragic love triangle!? Why, it wouldn't be a Bollywood movie at all!

I know what you're thinking. Katie, you're 29...hang up the Bollywood stuff and get back to the real world. To that, I say this...NO (while pouting and stomping my foot)! Allow me to linger a moment longer on this completely ridiculous Bollywood fantasy that I have created...come on...it's Valentine's Day!

Since I have yet to have another DC Bollywood Mr. Helping Hand spotting, despite my almost constant presence in all the major city streets in Georgetown over the last 3 days (I promise...that is not why I was walking around...seriously...), I can only assume...as any rational woman would....that he has been turned into the undead by a jealous, wise, and devastatingly handsome...vampire. Look, I'm gonna be honest with you guys....I fell deeply in love with Edward Cullen when I read the Twilight books. Not even the tan, hot (temperature wise), hot (yummy wise) Jacob could deter my devotion to this undead gentleman vampire. So, as long as I'm fantasizing, I might as well go all the way, right!?

In today's crazy story, my DC Bollywood man, who will now be referred to as Mr. E (get it...Mr.E...mystery!?!!!! PS - and still played by Shahrukh Khan....don't forget that!) has been waylayed in his feverish search for me by Edward Cullen himself (sigh). Edward has been watching me through my window (in a not-creepy way)...he knows of my affections towards him due to the fact that I watch Twilight every other night (exaggeration for story purposes only) and the fact that he can read my mind. His supernatural advantage over Mr. E is admittedly unfair, but hey, what's a girl to do!?

The story continues...

A few days ago as Mr. E is on lower Wisconsin Ave posting signs saying "We met briefly a week ago....I gave my hand....you stole my heart, " with his photo and phone number asking me to call him, he was greeted by a beautiful, sparkly vampire with intentions to harm. What Mr. E didn't know is that he wasn't the only man in this town on a mission to win my heart. Edward Cullen had been secretly wishing to court me as well. He had loved me since the moment he read my blog a few months ago. One advantage to being the undead is that you never sleep. This gives Edward plenty of time to peruse the web searching for something that would hold his interest. My blog so captured his heart that he could think of nothing else but finding me (giggle...don't worry...I'm rolling my eyes too). Now there are two men searching the streets of DC for me....one, a handsome do-gooder with a sincere smile..the other, a man with nothing but time and a desire to meet the woman that peaked his interest,....who shall capture the fair maiden's hand!?

Join me next week for the conclusion...DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!

: ) This is fun!

For the record, as fun as this fantasy writing has been, I just want to say...that I am truly happily being "single" (I put it in quotes because I wanted to and I don't really know why). On this Valentine's Day I am just full of love for everyone and feel blessed that I am so loved. I don't really feel single because I am not alone...what I mean is, I am not a single person on her own...I am a part of a fairly robust extended group of family and friends. It's hard to feel "single" (there I go again) when you are surrounded by so many people that you love and that love you back, even if I'm not currently coupled.

I have been a total Negative Nancy in past years (and maybe a little this year too) about Valentine's Day, but I have realized that it's ok to be happy being single. I think I feel like I am "supposed" to feel lonely, sad, and desperate, and have dutifully felt as such in the not so distant past. Not because I actually felt lonely, sad, and desperate, but because I gave into the pressure and wrongful thinking that if I didn't feel that way then I must be slowly heading down the slippery slope of "spinsterhood" (that one deserves quotes too)...and God forbid, being single forever....if I don't couple myself up real quick like. BUT what I have come to realize is that I am just in love with life and all that it has to offer a curious rambler such as myself. I don't want to be a barnacle to a man in my life and I don't want them to be a barnacle to me. I want the people in my life to be a compliment to me and me the same to them. That goes for family and friends as well as a future man.

Even though the Bollywood fantasy I am writing about is just for fun...there is a reason why Bollywood is so popular...because it's an exaggerated (very) yet true representation of the way we humans like to court and be courted. In the movies, the girls are just living their lives. Content in who they are....I mean they are dancing on mountains for cryin' out loud....and not out looking for a man. Maybe EHarmony hasn't made it to Mumbai yet. They aren't chasing men because they know that when men are ready and know what they want....they will come after them. No reminding a man you exist. No trying to convince a guy how awesome you are. No changing who you are. When a man is ready and his eyes and heart are open....he'll not only know you exist and that you are awesome just the way you are....but he'll also pursue you. Whether he has to chase you in the rain or dance with you on mountaintops wearing leather pants (you just gotta love Bollywood)...he'll do it..because he wants to...because he wants you. That's why the fantasy of meeting your future partner while you are just out doin' what you do is so appealing. All the single ladies, put your hands up (thank you Beyonce!)! Go! LIVE! Live and love your life and yourself! Step away from the speed dating website and no one will get hurt....


In conclusion my friends, I want to thank God who is my Valentine all the time. Just today I was walking and talking (in my head) to Him and one of my favorite songs came on my Ipod. The Presence of the Lord is Here by Byron Cage. It gets me so pumped. As I was walking and listening to the lyrics. I was literally hit in the face by a huge group of balloons that said, "I love you". Had I not been consumed by God's spirit at the moment I would have probably been all bah-humbug about it and said something along the lines of "darn those dastardly Valentine's balloons and darn the people that are buying them....darn darn darn." (I know..my cussing is a little deflated, but whaddayagonnado?!!) BUT I was so giddy with God's love that I knew that God used these balloons to hit me in the face with something that I have a hard time getting a handle on....He loves me. He is always with me. He is always loving me just the way I am. He is always pursuing me. He is always good.

He is.

Big love and hearts and roses and teddy bears,

Katie Cullen

UPDATE: Bollywood Moment....

I have gotten so much feedback, emails, and questions about my DC Bollywood moment that I feel compelled to write an update blog even though I technically don't have any updates. Other than the fact that I found this SUPER HOT pic of Shahrukh Kahn...in the rain, of course. As well as the only pic I could find of Drew Barrymore in the rain...it's most definitely not as hot, but it's the best I could do.

Hey, if Javier Bardem can play Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love fiance Felipe and Julia Roberts can play Liz....then by golly Shahrukh Kahn can play the part of Anonymous DC Bollywood Man and Drew Barrymore can play ME! This would be the ultimate combining of Bollywood/Hollywood stardom. Aishwarya Rai can play my best friend Wajhma...and Arjun Rampal will be her love interest ( you can thank me at the premiere, Wajh). I am SO glad I've got this all figured out...PHEW!

I can't WAIT! What should I wear on the red carpet!!!???? I'm thinking...BLACK. It makes an understated statement, you know!? Plus, black is slimming. Maybe by the time we are done filming and the premiere...in DC....is ready to commence I will have already made enough money in the book deal about my DC Bollywood romance that I will be able to afford a personal trainer and be able to eat all raw foods and crap like that.

Okay, back to reality.

I am a silly silly girl, so I did take everyone's advice and checked the missed connections page on Craigslist. I quickly decided that I was neither "Asian chick in yellow boots" or "The #$%#@% idiot that cut me off". I briefly saw a small bit of light with "Girl of my dreams", but after opening it realized that it was addressed to some lucky lady that this guy had cheated on and wanted a second chance. Ew. All-in-all...craigslist...not romantic.

I had a few people suggest that I post a missed connections, but I have declined to do so. 1) It's just not my style to chase after a guy at all...especially on Craigslist. 2) It's just not Bollywood. You see, in the Bollywood movies, the guy feverishly chases after the girl of his dreams and her job...is to coyly evade him...and yet still entice him with her shy, beckoning eyes. I'm not suggesting that that is my modus operandi...I think me trying to be coy and shy is about as entertaining as watching a kitten wearing a cowboy hat ride around on a dog. However, if I am to turn this into a true Bollywood moment...Mr. Helping Hand will have to appear again...in any manner of romantic glory. In the movies it's usually involving some form of public transportation, but seeing as how i walk most of the time, I suppose we'll just have to stare longing at each other across the street...only to be separated by passing traffic...and then POOF! I'm gone. And the search continues....

So, I will leave my Bollywood romance in God's hands now....as I have decidedly left all of my romance in His hands...for once! I will be sure to keep all of you updated on any Mr. Helping Hand spottings.

On another update note....still don't know who Mr. Anonymous is...


LOVES,

Katie...the true life charactor that Drew Barrymore will play in the story of my life

My Bollywood Moment....

The secret is out...I love Bollywood movies.

If you don't know what Bollywood is, let me break it down for you. Bollywood refers to the Hindi movie industry in Mumbai, India. Most of the movies are spoken in Urdu with occasional English (I watch with subtitles). They are known for producing movies at some crazy rate per year...like 200 or something. Almost every 2.5 to 3 hour movie includes the following: crazy love story where people fall desperately in love after seeing each other for one second, the lovers are torn apart in some way, crying in the rain, singing in the rain, dancing in the rain, more crying while not in the rain, spontaneous breaking into song and/or dance, beautiful women, hot men, staring longingly, almost kissing but not kissing, running toward each other through fields or over bridges, wind blowing through their hair, someone almost dying, and ridiculously awful American actors. It's a killer combo, really. You can't stop watching once you've started. If you've never seen an Indian movie, I warn you...you will become addicted...enter at your own risk.

Anyway, back to my semi-Bollywood moment. (This is about as Bollywood as DC gets).

Today I walked down to M street to have brunch with Wajh and her sis, Nabila. After that I did some shopping at the stores that were open. It seemed like from the moment I stepped outside this morning everyone was in a bad mood and everyone was rude and mean. Not just to me, but to each other. Everywhere I turned everyone seemed to be acting selfish and grumpy. I even got pelted by the salt truck while I was waiting to cross the street. That was a moment I could have lived without. Ouch! So, needless to say that by the time I walked all the way back up Wisconsin toward my apartment I had seen, heard, and experienced enough negativity for one day.

As I was reaching my building I was walking through the gas station parking lot and I saw a homeless man. Usually I give money to homeless people, but I didn't have any to give which made me feel even more yucky. As I am searching my purse to see if I have anything at all to give I look up and see a guy walk out of his way to walk over and give the homeless man some money. I thought to myself "wow, that was so nice". As I approach the stoplight across the street from my building I find that I am standing behind the man that had just given money to the homeless guy. When the walk light comes on the guy realizes that there is tons of snow and slush and that he is going to have to jump to miss it. So he jumps, then he turns around and sees me standing there. Without a word, and with a friendly smile, he reaches out his hand to help me jump across. Now, normally I would never take some random guys hand and let him help me...for no other reason other than the fact that I like to do things myself and not ask for help. But I did it. So, we were clear of the first hurdle. The guy also had to jump across more slush on the other side of the street, but he waited for me and offered his hand again with a smile. And I took it. After getting safely across the street, I thank him, and am waiting for something weird to happen.....like he hit on me, or ask for my number, or say something stupid. (I live in Georgetown, which is a college town, and I have stupid drunk guys saying gross random things to me and my friends all the time. Can't a girl walk to CVS in peace!?) But he didn't. He just asked if I had much further to walk because it was cold, and I told him that I actually lived right here (picture me pointing at a building). So he smiled and told me he lived a little further up Wisconsin. I thanked him again and turned to walk away. As I was walking away I turned around and then at the exact same time, he turned around. Our eyes met, and we smiled and then dropped our eyes. Then I walked into the building and turned around and we met eyes and smiled at each other one more time. And I then I went inside.

That is an official DC Bollywood moment people.

Now, all that has to happen to make it a total Bollywood story, is that I come to my parents house to find that he and his parents are there to arrange our marriage. But they get into a fight about the dowry and my dad throws them out of the house and refuses to let me marry their son. As the fighting ensues, he and I escape out of the kitchen window and run away...crying....in the rain...so that we can get married anyway. As we are escaping...by train...in the rain...we get separated in the train station. I am on the right train and I look out to see him standing on the platform waiting for the wrong train. I try to get off, but I can't. For some reason I never knew his name and have no idea how to ever find him again...but was totally going to marry him. Years later, I am attending a party and I see him again. The wind blows through my hair as I approach him. We lock eyes at the party and immediately break out dancing and singing. He tells me he is supposed to marry someone he doesn't love and I tell him that I have spent the last few years sitting on park benches in the rain imagining us together...(during these fantasies we are dancing and almost kissing but not kissing...in a field). After that we escape out of the kitchen window and into the snow covered streets. We are running. We reach an intersection and he jumps to avoid the snow and slush....he turns around and reaches his hand out with a smile. I grab his hand and jump.

There....I just wrote a script!

: )


Love,

Katie...the wannabe Indian actress....hogaya!

Flashback Week - Numero Dos

Yep...that's me in 7th grade.

Braces? Check. Frizzy hair? Check. In desperate need of sun? Check. Dorky younger brother? CHECK PLUS! (Sorry I had to drag you into this, Kirk.)

I just wanted you all to have a visual on the 7th grade Katie that wrote this poem about Love:

Love

by Kaver
(my self appointed nickname in middle school)

You're far apart and you miss each other
But you know that no matter what
you will recover
All you need is your lifetime lover.
There is a band of love connecting you at the heart
And you know that you will never part.
It stretches clear around the world.
It won't bend or break or lose it's way.
It's there each and every day.
Even if you go away
the band of Love let's part of you stay.
You feel it's tug when you're far away.

True love can withstand any barriers blocking it's way.

What the heck does a seventh grader know about lifetime lovers!!!??? Where did I come up with this stuff!!??? I know it's not the most well written poem ever and I use words that rhyme with "way" a lot, but I am totally digging the message. This "band of love connecting you at the heart" represent the soul connections that we form with each other. Anyone that has ever loved someone (friends, family, boyfriend, wife, etc) knows the feeling you get in your heart when you miss someone. When they are away from you feel the tug of the band connecting your hearts. HOW SWEET!!!!!!

When I read this poem I envision two people kissing each other goodbye, and as they turn to walk away from each other you see this red band connecting the two of them. As they each go their seperate ways I see this red band winding and stretching over roadways, mountains, and seashores. There is no mountain too treacherous or sea too stormy to break their connection. The farther away the two people get the thinner the band stretches, but it refuses to break. With each tug they are reminded of each other. Ultimately, the band snaps them back together.

Wasn't 7th grade Katie so deep!? : )

Love,

Kaver

Men and Women are different!? WHAT!?

I know you're disappointed, but I am interrupting my regularly scheduled Flashback Week blogging to bring you this important blog about an interesting article I read about why men and women don't understand each other:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=23100742&page=3

First of all, Wajhma took some of my stuff so she could read it, so until I get it back...no can bloggy.

Second of all, I like reading about and discussing the very complex yet simple fact that men and women are just plain different.

I could write a book on this topic...hmmm....maybe I will. But until then, read the above article and let me know your opinions, experiences, and thoughts on how men and women are different and how that effects the way we communicate with each other and such. Comment below or send me an email at kt.mcnemar@gmail.com.

Let me give you an example of how men and women think differently....

I, me, Katie...a woman...wonders all the time who the anonymous "follower" is on my blog. Is it someone I know? If it is someone I know, then why did they choose to follow anonymously? Maybe they accidentally forgot to type in their name when they became a follower. OR, could it be someone that hates me!? Oh my gosh, why would someone hate me!? If they hate me, then why are they following my blog? Maybe it's an ex boyfriend and he doesn't want me to know that he follows my blog. But, if it is and he just wants to take a look at my blog every once and awhile, then why doesn't he just bookmark my page instead of going all the way to become a follower and yet not give his name!? Being an anonymous follower is like having a secret admirer...but without the blatant show of admiration that one would expect from any admirer worth their salt. Ohhhh, maybe it's a guy that likes me!!!! Maybe he likes following my blog because he has a crush on me and thinks I'm awesome, but he doesn't want me to know he likes me because he's playing it cool. If so, then it would have to be someone I know or else he would give his name! Why wouldn't they want me to know though!? Maybe it's some psycho stalker weirdo. EW! I hope not, I am so NOT IN THE MOOD for that. It's probably just some random person that signed up to follow my blog on accident and never ever reads my blog at all, why do I always have to get all dramatic about EVERYTHING!? But wouldn't it be SO romantic if it was the man of my dreams and one day when we are sitting around with all of our super awesome friends, we'll tell them that we got together because he was so enthralled by my thoughtful and powerful writing that he had to follow my blog. OR maybe my mom created a blank account on accident when she was trying to become a follower of my blog. OH MY GOSH, what if the anonymous blog follower reveals who they are after reading this!???? Dun dun duuuuuun!

SEE! That's what girls DO! We analyze EVERYTHING until there is nothing left but dust!!!! It's SICK! Our minds are going a million miles a minute, even sleep can't stop it. MAKE IT STOP!!!

What would a man think if they had an anonymous follower on their blog? Well, I asked some manly men that very question, and this is what they said:

- Why would I have a blog? Seriously, who would want to read about my lame ass life.

- Who cares if they're anonymous? Why does it matter? Wait, you have a blog? (Obviously this is not my anonymous blog follower)

- I wouldn't care.

- I would just assume that they want to have my blog on their list, but not want me to read theirs due to privacy issues. (Men are so practical!)

- Lot's of people follow blogs anonymously, I wouldn't assume it was someone that was in love with me or something. (Thanks for crushing my dreams survey participator!)

See the difference!!!!!!!

PHEW! It is exhausting being a woman and constantly having to think about every detail of everything. No wonder we are so stressed out all the time. While men are happily enjoying life in a wonderful oblivion, us women are out there protecting them from the dangers of world with our powers of deduction.

You're welcome! : )

LOVES,

Anonymous follower admirer

Flashback Week!!!!

When I was home in Buckhannon a few weeks ago I went through my old closet at my parent's house and for some random reason decided to bring a box full 'o crap back with me to DC . Once I got back to DC and started looking through the box full o' crap I realized that I had stumbled upon some of the most awesome crap EVER!

First of all let me give you all a short list of the other fun items I found and yet decided not to bring back with me. This may give you a better idea about how much of a total dork I really am.

• Cheerleading jacket from freshman year. Go BUCS!!!
  
• My key chain collection. It's six feet long.
  
• Karate gi. Not from my dad's school, but from Master Kim's Tai Kwan Do in Huntington.
  
• Old collection of baseball cards, complete with Michael Jordan's baseball card. I grew up with boys. I wanted to fit in.
• Harry Potter doll still in the box. Yeah, I got it two years ago.
  
• My wedding dress from when I almost got married three years ago. I think it's about time that bad boy end up on Ebay.
  
• A Barbie with her head shaved and her arms cut off and melted back onto her body. Frightening? Yes. Weird and confusing? Yes. Wondering why I still have it? Yes. Did I throw it away? No. We all have to mess our kids up somehow, right!
  
• A clear ball with a fake eyeball floating in it.
  
• My prom dress from high school that I wore two years in a row. Any girl in the world knows that that is just ridiculously embarrassing. The first year I got it because it reminded me of Kate Winslet's dress in Titanic...the one she wore when she was going to jump off the ship. No comments please. The second year my mom insisted I wear it again because she had spent so much money on it. To this day, I kid you not, my mom wants me to wear it again and have someone take my picture. We're a weird family.

Okay, I think that's enough.

Back to my super awesome crap!

When I was a kid, all I did was read. I stuck to myself a lot of the time. When I got old enough to write, I started writing stories. Looking through this box of my stuff I found some pretty amazing writing. I found my first book called "Help" that I wrote when I was in the 4th grade. It was about a family going through a divorce. My second book called "The Girls Club" was reminiscent of The Babysitters Club or Sweet Valley High. I also found poems, papers I wrote, drawings, paintings. And you know what....it's all pretty darn amazing. So this week, I am going to post some of my stuff on here. It's not to Wow! you or get compliments. It's to remind me of who I am, and what I love. I spent a lot of years living like I was someone else, and now it's time to remember my first loves...my dreams! Some of this was written out of pain, but it feels good to share it now that I've made it through.

So I am going to start flashback week with a poem I wrote. This is circa 1994 when I was in eighth grade. There isn't a title:

I'm glad I stayed
in this place I found
once when I was looking 'round.
Here is where I
brought fate.
Here is where I made my own mistakes.

Here is often where I lay awake
not to worry
about you and you
but rather
to feel the way I do.

Before, I'd swallow what they'd say
lived in their houses day after day.
It worked for them, but not for me.
I would sometimes try to make them see.

So huff and puff and blow all day
this house is strong
I made it that way.

But know that I won't stay inside
behind a wall
cowering and scared
and afraid to fall.

For now I know
it's time to go.
Time to try another road.

And don't even worry about me.
I'll take this way
see what I see.
This was not a bad place to stay
but now, you just hang, I'll go my way.