Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Birthday Week Day 2 - Guest Blogger....MOM
Awwww! Me and my mommy! We look alike, we walk alike, sometimes we even talk alike.
Back by popular demand...
The Dailies are proud to present....Sharon McNemar....Birthday Week Guest Blogger Day 2:
Today I must comment on the picture that you have of your dad setting on the hospital bed in his scrubs and holding you on his knees. Meanwhile, the new mother is setting on the chair in the corner. Again, enough about me; the idea of the picture is, you quickly became the center of our attention. We have spent 29 years trying to break the habit but you are just too pretty, fun and interesting. The phenomenon of giving Katie a lot of attention snowballed and now the whole world admires our creation (again enough about me - oh, and I guess your dad too). Can't wait for day three, the birthday day of birthday week.
I wish I had that picture of dad sitting on the hospital bed as you sat in the chair beside the bed...hours after giving birth. I'm sure watching you go through 18 hours of labor was hard on dad...he needed a break. And quite frankly...so did I. I was a baby for goodness sake!
Ya know...I've realized a lot over these 29 years. One of the most important things I've come to understand is the importance of family. My mom and dad are so special to me. No matter what I've put them through...and they've put me through....we love each other. No man can love you like your daddy and no human on earth can understand you and love you like your mommy.
I was just talking to my mom the other day about her mom, my grandma. I was talking to my mom about how when you are scared, sick, or hurt, there is no one on earth that can comfort you or heal you like your mommy. She told me about how right after her mom died, she got really sick with a terrible cold. She was miserable and my dad was trying his very best to do anything and everything to make her feel better....but...it just wasn't the same. The more he tried, the more my mom missed her mom. The more he got frustrated at not being able to fix the problem....the more my mom ached to have her mom there. I get it. I totally get it. No one can fix things like your mom. You see, moms stay....they stay when you are grumpy and mean...they stay when nothing makes it better....they stay when you are gross and smelly....they stay when you want to be left alone....they stay. They are your mom. And they stay. No matter how much a brother, sister, boyfriend, husband, or best friend loves you...they aren't your mom...it's just not the same. While everyone else may eventually get tired of you and your grumpy butt...mom's stay.
Hearing my mom tell me about missing her mom totally shook me. I cried just imagining not being able to talk to my mom whenever I want. I remember when grandma was alive and she used to call every single evening and I would get so frustrated because I knew she didn't have anything important to talk to mom about and I had boyfriends to sit on the phone with and not have anything important to talk about...priorities people! Even my mom would get frustrated sometimes that her mom would call every day, but she talked to her anyway...no matter what. It wasn't until recently that I could understand how devastating it would be to never get that evening phone call from my mom. Even though we rarely have much to talk about, and it's usually that she just wants to make sure that I made it into my apartment ok....my life would be forever changed without it. I've tried to stop. I've tried to not call her. And she tries not to call me. But I find myself just needing to sit on the phone with her for a few minutes and talk about nothing in order to feel okay sometimes. Sometimes we literally don't talk at all. I listen as she does the dishes, or talks to the dog, or fights with my dad about something silly. I'm going to be 29 tomorrow....but on days at work where people are mean and I want to cry...I still call my mom...at work....from my desk.
Our conversations consist mostly of me talking and her listening. I don't ever ever ask her about her day. I don't ask her how she is. I don't ask her if she's happy. I talk about myself. And she listens. Because she is my mom and she is the only person on this earth that I can be totally and completely selfish and ungrateful with and she will still pick up the phone SO excited to hear from me every day. With everyone else in my life, there is a nice balance of I talk about me, and then they talk about them....equal, ya know....but with my mom it's different. When I am nervous, I am mean to my mom. She doesn't take it personally...she just knows from her mommy instincts that I'm nervous. When I am grumpy, I don't put on a happy face for my mom. In fact, I think I get even grumpier. When I am sick, I magnify it a million times when I talk to my mom so I can get attention. It doesn't seem fair. She doesn't have her mom to be grumpy and mean to, but I do. One day when I don't have that cheerful hello on the other end of the phone "HEY KATE!" I will be truly lost.
I don't know why it's so easy for me to tell my friends how much I love them and my brother how much I love him, but can't seem to tell my mom. It's not because I don't. I think it's because the love I have for my mom is so deep and so complicated that I don't know how else to express it....other than to sit on the phone and talk about nothing in order to feel sane.
Mom, I love you more than I can say...obviously...since I don't really say it very well. I unfortunately express my love for you in the same way I did when I was a kid....and that love is expressed by needing you. I need you. I love you. Thank you.
Katie....you're mommy needin' 29 year old