I'm convinced the devil invented jean shopping....

I didn't think it was possible...but lo....it was.

Alert the media! I found a pair of skinny jeans. And....they fit me.

I see plenty of women of all shapes and sizes walking around with jeans that fit...but for me....it just doesn't happen. Until now....

The Story about the Skinny Jeans

by Katie McNemar

Starring:

Wajhma Massoumi - as the best friend with a positive attitude that refused to give up on my quest for the perfect jeans.

Gap sales lady - as the lady that started the downward spiral into my inevitable existential breakdown.

BDG Skinny jeans from Urban Outfitters- as the jeans that finally fit perfectly and gave me hope for a future..a future where women don't hate to shop for jeans.

Once upon a time there was a girl (I mean woman) named Katie. She wasn't too big. She wasn't too small. She was juuuuuust riiiight. All Katie wanted in the whole wide world was a pair of jeans that fit. Not too big. Not too small. But juuuuusst riiiight! So one day, Katie went skipping through Georgetown with her best friend Wajh....

Okay, I'm gonna have to stop telling the story like that...

So anyway, Wajh and I weren't really planning on actually buying things when we set out on our journey..just some coffee...some window shopping (I know...silly girls!). Plus, it was just one of those days that you just knew wasn't a "jean shopping" kinda day. It was more like one of those "I feel like I just ate ten people and washed them all down with a big bucket of lard" kinda days. One of those days where even your "I gained a few pounds" jeans are fitting a little snug. One of those days where if you tried on a pair of jeans in the size YOU KNOW YOU ARE EVERY OTHER DAY and they were too small you would just scoop your eye out with a spoon.

If you're a woman, and you've gone jean shopping, then you know that I am in fact not being overly dramatic. I feel like I need at least 7 days to prepare to go jean shopping. I need to run every day, stop eating, and grow 6 inches.

The sales lady in the Gap must have not gotten the memo that I was having a "not jean shopping" day. I thought it was pretty clear. Big coat, baggy jeans, no makeup...my hair was in pigtails for goodness sake! In my own silly mind I just assumed that any observant sales person...or person in general for that matter...would take one look at me and know that I had just eaten ten people and washed them down with a bucket of lard and was in no mood to try on jeans....but I was wrong. Apparently I looked like someone with a firm grip on reality.

The sales lady saw me briefly glance at the jean section and then she was on me like a gazelle. I didn't have the strength to fight her off. Before I knew it, my sorry butt was in the dressing room with a pile of jeans. Now, I know what I size I normally am. I have Gap jeans. BUT, this particular day...as I had previous guessed it would be...nothing fit me. I tried to explain to the sales lady that I refuse to try on jeans that are two sizes bigger than what I KNOW I wear strictly because....mentally....I couldn't handle it. So, I left the gap spending only $7 on a pair of very stretchy, very comfy...flannel pj pants. Hallelujah!

We go from store to store...each one as mentally damaging as the next. I mean, while I'm at it I might as well have just tried on some bikini's to really drive my self esteem into the ground. My mind was spinning with dreadful thoughts of three way mirrors, florescent lights, and size zero sales ladies. I tell myself to be thankful that the jeans don't fit because I can't really afford them anyway. But then that thought is kicked out by the even bigger thought that I would sell my kidney for a pair of jeans that fit and didn't make me look fat, short, frumpy, and give me a mean case of muffin top. Wajh, being the natural born inspirational speaker that she is and one of my biggest cheerleaders, continues to assure me that not only do I not look like someone that just ate ten people and then washed them down with a bucket of lard, but that she believes that there are a pair of jeans out there for me....and we aren't going home without them.

Even though I was acting like a ten year old...folding my arms across my chest and refusing to go into one more dressing room....Wajh convinced me to try on one more pair of jeans. I read the tag...skinny jeans. HA! said I. I told her that if I can't find regular jeans that would fit me, then there is no way one Earth that a pair of skinny jeans would fit. At that point I wanted to try them on just to prove to her that I was right and she was wrong.

But then it happened....

Even with the florescent lighting and low hopes.....I knew that I had found them. The perfect jeans. (Please see picture to the right...BDG Black and Blue Skinny Jeans from Urban Outfitters http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?_dyncharset=ISO-8859-1&navAction=jump&id=14678924&search=true&isProduct=true&parentid=SEARCH+RESULTS&color=91) They weren't so high that they looked like mom jeans, but they weren't so low that my underwear hung out. The weren't so tight that it looked like I had eight butts, but they weren't so loose that you couldn't see my butt at all. They weren't so short that they looked like capri's but they weren't so long that I needed 5 inch heels just to wear them. They. were. PERFECT. And get this...they were affordable. I mean, I was ready to sell a kidney, so I suppose that any jean would be affordable in comparison. But the point was....even when I didn't think it was possible. Even when I wanted to give up. My best friend made me feel good about myself and helped me to see that what I want is out there.

And WE ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

I didn't plan on this happening when I started typing this blog, but typing that last paragraph has forced me to realize something. The same way I feel about shopping for jeans....is dangerously close to the same way I feel about dating guys. Whoa.

WHOA.

Some days I wonder....is he out there? The guy that just fits right?

Let's take it back to the jeans again for a second. When I'm shopping for jeans, sometimes I'll find a pair that fit right while I'm in the store....but once I wear them for a little bit...I realize that they totally don't fit. They either stretch out or start puckering in weird places, etc. But you don't know that when you're in the store....you have to wear them first to find that out. See where I'm goin' here with this analogy!? I've had plenty of guys that seemed right at first only to realize that they are SO not fitting me.

Or sometimes you'll buy a pair of comfy, soft jeans and after wearing them a few times they start ripping and coming apart.

Or sometimes you'll buy a pair of jeans that are too tight and every time you put them on you feel like you can't breath and you can't wait to take them off.

I could go on, but I think you get the point.

I've gotten exhausted looking for the perfect pair of jeans and I've gotten exhausted looking for the right guy....but the point is...I won't give up on either one. I keep trying. I keep giving it a chance. And one of these days it will happen. The right guy will come along. And who knows....maybe it will be because of my new kick ass pair of jeans! : )

LOVE,

The Princess in the story that lives happily ever after....